cilesfineline

Eleven to Twelve; Six of One, Half Dozen of the Other

2012-01-01T07:50:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

This one is beginning much the same way the last year began with my having to let go of things. What I am needing to let go of now is my monthly music feature that I've been doing and enjoying in this blog for awhile now. The problem is that in the last 90 days the bands have played on without me. Matters of serious importance have encroached up on my established regimen of exercise and music listening and writing. It doesn't appear I'm going to be having that kind of personal time yet for awhile...Therefore...I hope you will continue to keep me in mind when you hear an awesome talent and let me know. I'm still keeping a list and I'll be listening to clips as I can but I have to REALLY listen to write what I want about the things I like listening to and I just don't have time for it now. I hope to pick the habit up again later.

I know....sad.

I DO hope to continue my meditations on my word of the year...if one appears to me. It has not yet surfaced for 2012, however. Stay tuned!

Bountiful compassion and rich reward for all sincere efforts

for everyone in 2012!!!!

December - Elephant Revival revisited

2011-11-30T12:36:00.000-08:00

I am re-posting this because I have been a woman busy with great and grand consequence. I have not had time to give music its due this month and therefore have no new artist to introduce. However, it is my extreme pleasure to give you another go at Elephant Revival who are the most fabulous talents and, in my opinion, worthy of the stature of Artists of the Year! Enjoy!

******************************
[Originally posted 09/2010]

This isn't a post about events at work as might be suggested by the title. This is a post about how I was invited to explore the music of a band who is going to be playing at he the Wild Buffalo in Bellingham WA at 9:45 pm on Thursday, September 16th [2010]. There is promotional work to be done; there are posters to hang; there is word to get out. So it was that I found myself up to my earlobes this weekend in the music of Elephant Revival.

I first heard the Elephant Revival on Sue DuMond's Gleanings Lopez Island radio show that is streamed through KLOI on Tuesday evenings and I asked her about them. She waxed poetic about the band and then someone yelled "Squirrel!" and I was off on to the next thing...until this weekend.

Elephant Revival hail from Colorado. I've never been to Colorado. I think DeVotchKa likes it there so it must be fabulous and everything DeVotchKa does makes me a little light headed. What is beautiful about Elephant Revival is not the Colorado Rockies, though I DO hear a hint of that country Rocky Mountain High whispering through the pines on a few tunes. It would be understating what I've been hearing in their music to isolate their sound by a location as there is some sweet layering of musicianship and genres at work. Here is a taste of what I have been spending the weekend enjoying:

The press says that Elephant Revival transcends folk. I have not heard enough of a panoply their work at this juncture to say but I do hear Celtic, country, folk, bluegrass and a touch of tribal melding into their sound. I look forward to being able to define this clearer after seeing them play live. Of course, they have violin and I've a weakness for this instrument. My name is Cile (no last names please) and I love me some fiddle, God help me. The fiddle player, Bridget Law, in this band is wunderbar and when added to the rest of the pachyderm, well...there is something lovely at work whether you call it transcendent or not!

An elephant is like a rope; an elephant is like a wall; an elephant is like a fan; an elephant is like a pillar...on and on it goes. This Elephant Revival will be like whatever will touch us in time and space and they invite us to listen. We may even transcend to being able to recognize the elephant in the room.

See you at the show.

video credit: mystic111mike
photo credit: Anne Stavely

Expectations? No...and Thank You.

2011-11-24T14:00:00.000-08:00

A middle-aged re-invented American worker

My word of the year expectation is coming to its annual close. I wrote about it in January, March, June and September. This is my last installment on the word.

It was tumultuous year. I reeled from loosing my income and the foundation of my dream of working and living in this beautiful place, Bellingham, WA. I steeled myself from my fears while I softened to allow for new experiences; suffered the indignity of being handled like refuse by government agencies and tried to be as true to my nature as I could. I've been seriously tested with this word at every turn.

I was much more graceful and generous at the beginning of my journey than I am a year into it. I didn't want it to happen that way, of course, but to say otherwise would be dishonest. My threshold is high but it isn't high enough to make this a fairy tale. I wouldn't wish this kind of unexpected transition on anyone. Suddenly not being able to have expectations - that is, living in the world as it is today while not having a secure pot to piss in - is a damn harsh reality. Not 'going' is not an option and you're gonna get some on yourself when you do 'gotta go'. All tasks take longer, are riskier, more complicated and are exceedingly expensive. It is absolutely impossible to see it when you are moored to a lifestyle that is secured to the center of commerce in America. It is like trying to describe water to a fish. I don't mean to be an alarmist and fan fears for the ensconced but those who are aware of what it is like to be set adrift in life know of what I speak and that is that.

I had expected as I started out with this word that I would take this experience of loosing my employment as an opportunity to somehow apprentice myself to other types of work. Library and educational support is not a sustainable occupation in this economic climate for a 58 year old woman. This is what I told myself and I found out in time that I really bought into the idea that I wasn't good at what I did as a bi-product of being laid off. Which, of course, is not accurate but I didn't feel I had the luxury at the time of crying over spilled milk so I rolled over on that truth. It has come back to haunt me even though I know I'm pulled into quite a different direction. I dearly miss the library environment, the work, the students and my co-workers. The question became: Does one re-invent oneself into the fold or strike out alone at a juncture such as this?

All the truth of my position came flashing on me; and its disappointments, dangers, disgraces, consequences of all kinds, rushed in in such a multitude that I was borne down by them and had to struggle for every breath I drew.

Great Expectations Chapter 39.

I do know now that I was not targeted for layoff but I was eyed for being easily manipulated. I opted out. So in reality, I actually quit with benefits and so chose not to be treated that way by my employer. I can happily say it is no longer my problem to be associated with such institutional duplicity. I have my hands full with my own hypocrisy as I realize too now that there was a familiar attraction at work in my association with my employer. I made my choice, I out-grew and left-off that mind set, I stood up for myself and I'm happy about that. It would have served me better (and perhaps the overall situation) had I found the strength to be more contentious about the whole affair but I'm a survivor not a warrior and in these days in America to not be a gladiator with a glad hand and a spear to chuck is to be viewed as a whining parasite with a hand out. I did not have the strength for either pretense. Anymore there is an awful pressure to figure out a great deal quickly while under the duress of one's village burning to the ground. It has been so very hard to assess how deeply these changes affected the life I had anticipated for myself here in Bellingham. My primary concern at the time was my need to secure myself again to save my shelter and my independence. Passing on liquidating all my investments and moving on, I chose the fold in hopes this would lead to a new and better standing in this community and this is how that played out...

Finding the well-intended unemployment office overworked, self-absorbed and shackled by mountains of paperwork and government statistics to maintain, I worked with my Community College where I found people who were very supportive in helping me brainstorm possibilities. I had an uplifting break-through in the spring. This was thanks to the encouragement of their staff and their programs. Hopefully I could develop a plan to do work in my community that had value. Perhaps I could find work I would find myself somewhat good at since I believed privately that I was not good at what I did before. I was enthused at the prospect of working with professionals in my community as an End-of-Life Navigator. I discovered that I had an interest in helping people secure their end of life plans with their families. I want to help the loved ones of the elderly and the terminally ill living in this community. Armed with the information necessary, I want to educate the public and advocate and discuss with people what it really means to have a good death at the end of a good life...and how to do it. To do this, however, meant that I had to find a type of related work and earn enough money to keep a roof over my head.

There is irony. In my journey through my year, it became apparent that I would have eventually understood what I might give to the community I live in. One never knows for sure, of course, but I know myself and I would have figured this one out as it had been a seed germinating in my mind for years prior. The irony is that I could be doing it for free as a volunteer in my community. This is the kind of work elders have been doing in their neighborhoods and communities for years when they could afford it. As we age and experience the loss of loved ones, for many elders it is a natural meditation and deeply fulfilling work to comfort and care for the dying and the bereaved.

Now, because I have to scramble to make ends meet, I am disadvantaged in being of much help to others in regards to education and the important conversations I yearned to involve myself in. The opportunity has gotten pushed back even farther due to the insane scramble to make enough money to survive. My reinvented self is, in truth, a hodgepodge of trying to juggle my independence, doing work that allows me some sense of personal fulfillment and orientation towards my goal, and my financial need. That translates currently to working fifty plus hours a week for what amounts to minimum wage and volunteering for four. No vacations; no sick days; no holidays, no dandling grandchildren on my knee or family visits in this equation...just: work or no dough and volunteering. Turns out it takes a lot of minimum wage hours to cover a mortgage.

In all honesty it is unclear if this work will translate into a better use of my skills. I have faith that it will. I still wonder at times if I should have just "made arrangements" and left town. I'm a caregiver now and in assisting others, my role and any sense of accomplishment come from a decidedly different angle than I'm used to receiving. It is such subjective work; I cannot tell if I'm brave or an incompetent idiot...or both. I make some of the most obtuse blunders. I know only I'm sincere...and I'm confused as I'm not sure how I fit in this new journey that I'm on. I take everyday as it comes and everyday is absolutely different and a complete surprise. The only thing that is not a surprise is the paycheck. It is widely known this is thankless work with the reward seeded in the giving.

So I chose the fold with faith benefits...faith in myself that I can find something in my community that I might be good at that will establish my connection here. My choice is questionably sustainable with the stress of the schedule. I still experience sadness that the world will never look the same as it did when I came here 8 years ago and I was so happy with my skills and my prospects. I'm slow to accept this as I find myself negotiating little details as they rise. I feel reality prying my fingers loose with each new unfortunate event. For instance my engine trouble light went on yesterday...and there is a forecast of a bitter cold winter...

In matters philosophical regarding expectations I have a greater appreciation of what it takes to live in the moment; while there is real suffering in the world, I now realize that it is suffering that we are all invested in by the choices we make. Our expectations are investments that have weight in the world and are not as much a given as we might suppose. It seems to me we have moved passed lip service on this matter. These are real troubled times that require developing and maintaining faith in oneself; relying on memory by remembering and trusting who we are by our experiences instead of an established dictum of behavior; and staving off unhealthy habits because the light in our grandchildren's eyes truly is a valuable beacon of hope.

It seems expectations are what we occupy our minds with so we don't have to have faith in the moment and feel the steely edge of indecision. I suspect we are rewarded with distance and a pretense of control and camaraderie...and because this is a habit of most humans, the practice also protects us from having to feel alone. Expectations breed planning and company and so it goes on and on in our lives. We feed off of this perspective often sharing the meals and building popular culture and ritual around the whole premise. Expecting is like borrowing on money that is not yet available to us, it is a form of living beyond our means. We all know inside this is a poor practice and we all sigh, briefly negotiate the projected loss, decide it is worth it and pull out the card or the idea and likewise pull ourselves into the exchange even deeper. Similarly we are all vested in each others expectations. We are all constantly consumed in passing judgment and deciding if it is worth it. The more interesting question to me is what are we giving up to hide here in this entitled perspective and its busy-ness? I suspect underneath it all is a way of hiding from the world and our fears. We give up being in the world and allowing ourselves the acute human need to be present, aware and engaged. Why are we so terrified of that? I think it is because we are not oriented to our own capacity for bravery until we are forced into it. I believe currently we have reached the tipping point where this can no longer be sustainable and people, like me, will continue to drop off the edges into the pool of faith based daily living.

I see the disenfranchised world around me pouring into the streets in protest of warped values and lost expectations and I see a symptom of an even deeper ailment. The talk is about money but the subject is power and control. While I stand by that movement, I feel the guilt of a self-serving relief that things are not currently worse than they are. What I once found valuable is receding from me at an alarming rate - owning my home, my idea of community, my sense of self worth and independence. There is 1% of me that feels like the letting go of all my "things" is death itself even though intellectually I realize it may already be a done deal and it is just a matter of time. Who knew I had such strength to hang on to what needs to go away? I hope my future will allow me the same gripping power to attach myself to what wants to replace these losses and that I have sense enough to recognize it.

Still, though this story is far from over, I feel thankful for what I've come to understand through my journey - if for nothing else than knowing that I stood up and empowered myself saying that first big, "No. Thank you". I am able to know the truth of what it is to be sent to the end of the line and what it takes get through the queue. On good days, when I can find the strength to remember I need to let go and let be, I can recall that today is the day and the only day. I expect a miracle because one thing I do know now, when it comes to expectations and living day by day...being available for the miracles that happen everyday is really all there is. Within each of us there is a place where it truly is all right and everyday we have the choice to start from there or stop and go on...if we want.

Kudos to Rhidalgo789 for the video.

November: Unfolding the Light with Esther Golton

2011-11-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

Pumpkin pie doesn't taste the same is July as it does in November. Some music has it's seasonal taste for me as well. So it is with Esther Golton's Aurora Borealis: Conversations with Alaska's Northern Lights CD. I listen at all times of the year but, because I have been to Alaska the music holds a stronger appeal for me in the long, dark winter than any other time of the year and I seek it out.

To be honest I do not fancy New Age music. When I first got the CD I have to admit I didn't expect to like it much because of the way I have felt about meditative compositions by other artists. I hear enough of it certainly being played in different environments as a sort of mood regulating medium in bookstores and spas. So it was that after I received it, I had thrown the CD in the player and started doing some tasks around the house. I had to stop what I was doing though to listen - not because I felt that I had to listen - as some responsibility to Esther's hard work, but because there was some depth to the music that I didn't expect to hear and I was drawn to stop what I was doing to surrender to it. None of the New Age compositions capture me quite like Esther's CD and had I not been a friend to her, I may have never been able to understand the difference her music offers in comparison to the others. Esther uses her flute and mountain dulcimer to share her relationship with this strange mystical light.

The Rarest Waltz, Aurora Borealis: Conversations with Alaska"s Northern Lights (mp3)

Musicians and artists often travel the world and come upon a natural wonder and are inspired to share their experience through their art. As I listen to Esther's CD there is something more tangible to her offering than a musician's meditation on a moment. It is no passing fancy for her to stumble upon the Aurora Borealis. It is a part her daily life and truly a part of the conversation of her days there. Her choices in life to live in Alaska have made her a child of that great northern country and its vast natural panorama and her lifestyle captures and adds a depth to her musical offering. I can't explain it but I know it is not because I know Esther. It has more to do with how I don't know the Aurora Borealis beyond fabulous pictures of it; how I don't know the life of living with the surprise of an amazing array of colored light dancing in a seemingly eternal night. I have never known the feeling of stepping outside and having the dark sky burst open with vivid color and sway as if opening to another reality entirely. In our listening to Aurora Borealis: Conversations with Alaska's Northern Lights, Esther allows us to envision such wonders.

Esther Golton brings this other-world-within-our-world to us in this CD and I hope you will give it a listen and share your discovery. Buy this CD. Esther has brought us a great gift in sharing her experience and it is a gift worthy of sharing with others. If we are lucky perhaps she will let us in on some more conversations and compositions in the future.

October - At the Well with Tinariwen

2011-10-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

If you are lucky, you might know someone serving in the Peace Corp. If you are REALLY lucky, like me, you will have an individual who loves music as much as you do and she will be keen on sharing her music discoveries with her friends through her blog. So it is with my friend, Aly, who is stationed in Morocco. Besides being a marvelously entertaining young woman, she is generous with her knowledge and turned me on to a group called Tinariwen that is popular with the culture there. A video (below) was shared that explains the beginnings of this group and I had an epiphany as I watched it. The unimaginable hardship this group of desert people endured is beyond words and they rose up from the great depths of human despair singing and taking Africa by storm with their sound. I ordered the CD as soon as I could.

I have have been born into interesting times. That is usually a phrase used to suggest the fact that the times are so alarmingly trying that even to refer to how bad it is is an absurd understatement. Yet within my interesting times I have had the privilege of being a youngster just as the lip of the melting pot boiled over in popular culture in the States. I got to be a living witness to the excitement of hearing the very first strains of music never before gracing the world...The music of The Doors, Joni Mitchell, Iron Butterfly, Dylan, Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix...Beatles...Rolling Stones...the list goes on. The very first thrill of hearing a sound that adds to your life in such a mysterious way as to forever alter your consciousness is HUGELY transformative! It is that listening place that I found myself in as I went through each cut of Tinariwen's, +10:1 Aman Iman. It must have been that way for the people of the desert to hear for the first time their ancient music performed with the edge of the times so acutely infused in it. They too perhaps were transformed into a new way to experience the world. I heard the raw edge of discovery woven into each song - the spawn of great healing and profound love.

I enjoy lyrics so not understanding the text of the message became an exercise in really listening to the music beyond the language of the Touareg. I discovered layers of the CD +10:1 Aman Iman: Water is Life by letting the music alone carry me to it's message. It was a tremendously satisfying experience. I can hear what Aly loved in this when she blogged about Tinariwen. To pick out the western influences and have it anchored so beautifully in the ancient cultural sounds of the desert was amazing to me as in this song, Assouf.

Assouf (mp3)

I hope you will take the 20 minutes to watch this documentary about the heroic and fascinating story behind these ancient Tuareg people, this band and their music. Their story is our story when it comes to how music moves people. The Tuareg are turning into the wind listening like Bedouins just as we are, in the west, down on our knees "listening like thieves". Whatever the culture, EVERYONE is at the well quenching their thirst for what speaks so deeply to our souls - the desire to hear the sound that answers what is there in us all. Music is a well where we can all meet in understanding and discovery.

As the Tuareg say, "the earth has only one sun". Treat yourself to the diversity that transcends and joins each of our journeys in our quest for peace and freedom. Support these artists; buy their music, listen to it and drink deep the mysterious love we somehow all share. Their popular song Cler Achel along with others will be on the top of the sidebar of my blog for the month of October. BssHa! (to your health!)

Kudos to Vox for the picture and IndependienteRecords for the Documentary.

Falling Leaves and Rising Expectations - Autumnal Equinox

2011-09-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

There is definitely a nip in the air around me and a front of change churning within as I enter the final term of the word expectation for this year. (The prior excerpts are here, here, and here). So much has happened over the course of my tenure with this word that I'm a bit overwhelmed at this writing. I have bounced the word off of each event over the year and it has become like trying to track refracted sparks flying off of a flaming whirligig set afire in a dark space. Living a life with minimal expectations has moved me into a different reality. The farther into it I get, the odder my old lifestyle appears to me. The framing of expectations that I sported in the world that I inhabited before all these changes, strike me as oddly unrealistic and even naive to me now.

I suppose the best place to start for an example is the present; a situation I recently found myself in. I broke or tore a tendon in my little finger on my right hand and by chance I found myself in a health care facility for an unrelated issue. When the nurse inquired as to the brace on my finger and I told her what my treatment for it was, she bridled with such a force of outraged indignation over my not having consulted a healthcare professional that I was briefly stunned. I sat attentive to a litany of surgical procedures that may be necessary and the importance of fixing this thing immediately. I listened respectfully but in my mind I thought to myself, with horror, "there but for the grace of God!" There was no one but my common sense to stop me from following this woman's advice and very possibly loosing my home in the attempt to pay for an uninsured $25,000.00 surgery to repair the tip of my little finger. It, no doubt, had been awhile since this nurse had walked the world trying to maintain her balance in rarefied air without a net. People have been smashing, cutting off and experiencing all kinds of injuries to digits since time began. It is not the end of the world should a finger receive a little damage as I'm not a musician, surgeon or fine artist. The entirety of this nurse's focus was on maintaining her stand within a certain expectation of her trade and it did not allow her to consider my reality. She was blind to it. Any other way to look at the injury to my finger along with my personal situation seemed to have a tinge of heresy and, indeed, a possible threat of liability to her.

My experiences with expectations have been like that; a constant awareness of not what I lost over the year, but what I've gained in letting go of them. The things I lost were a sense of imaginary security, money that I didn't handle well when I had it, frankly, and the need to design my thinking around an established lifestyle of belonging. In replace of that, I gained a greater scope of understanding, time to think for myself and room in my life to cultivate compassion and empathy.

I can relate to where the nurse is coming from because I've been there. Now that I've spent some time in a more robust current in the river over time, I recognize the limitations that the eddies of associations nurture. Had I been insured I would have set up the whole surgery thing and altered my lifestyle around this health issue and who's to say that I wouldn't get an infection of MRSA as a complication from the surgery, become sick and possibly die? It happens not that infrequently. Sincerely, the tip of my little finger wandering slightly south for the rest of my live long days is something I can live with. What is startling is the realization that but for my willingness to hold to what I thought to be the most pragmatic option for my particular situation, I could be homeless with ruined credit with a little finger that was perfect...all because I did what I was advised by a "professional".

Such are my experiences these days as I wander through life outside of the projected mind set that I had become accustomed to. I can appreciate a sheltered life living within the established parameters of acceptance but I'm deeply satisfied that I found the courage to leave the coveted and controlled expectant world - the blind one - for one that requires strength and asks for my hope, faith and vision.

...the morning dove is clinging
To the powerlines above
And time is hanging frozen
In its grace and pain and love....

Peter Mulvey, "Tender Blindspot", The Trouble with Poets

appreciation to JKPolk1 for the video of Peter Mulvey

September: Biagio Biondolillo is Alone on This Here and Now

2011-09-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

I can't find a lot of information about my September artist of the month Biagio Biondolillo. I heard him play at the Jamboree this year and he stood out. I really didn't realize how far until I spent some time with his CD "Alone on This Here and Now" after the festival. In fact, I was kind of taken aback when I went on-line and I found out he hasn't been out and about the world more. He's been playing for a while, he's a local and he is a fantastic talent. Now you know as much as I do...except I've gotten to hear his work and see him play.

I love this CD. The music is both graceful and strong. Each song is a gem of its own individual facet, color and tone and each has a multitude of layers besides. I still don't believe it is his first recording, frankly, because each tune is so intricately crafted and interesting. He, of course, has help with the talents of Anna Arvan, Kat Bula, Rich Canut III and Jon Sampson but these are his songs and his here and now. I've looked around the internets and I can't find a way to get a copy of the CD on-line. So friend him on Facebook to track his performances or contact him, I'd bet he'd sell you a CD if you ordered one through him. Copies can also be purchased at Everyday Music in Bellingham (by phone: 360.676.1404). If you can get your hands on a copy, you won't be disappointed. Here is an audio sample and a video below. I've got a link to a song in the side bar up all month but I suggest you go to his MySpace and hear what he has posted there, too.

"dirty blues"

dirty blues (mp3)

I watched a few videos of his performances, the best of which I have posted below. I think it is interesting how he folds into his guitar when he plays where many artists open up and stare into space like they are communing with their muse through some distant dimension. Biondolillo plays his guitar like it is speaking to him intimately and holding the center of a conversation on a topic they have a long history with. The music and lyrics blend with that kind of intimacy. Seriously, it is not a communication you want to miss. Enjoy what I've posted here, go see him play live (if you are lucky enough to live in Bellingham)...and buy his CD. Maybe, if he can afford it, he will make more music for us.

Thanks to mattcurtisdesign for the video.

On the Way Home - Open Letter to the Class of '71

2011-08-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

I hated High School for the most part when I was in it. I find it amazing that if you live long enough and you chew long and hard on enough of the things you loathed in your youth that you can, with diligence, become quite an authority on humble pie. I don't have room in my heart for the kind of hate I sported just 20 years ago. There goes more of my crumbling edge. Well...taa taa.

This coming weekend is my 40th Class Reunion....Class of '71, Eureka High School, Humboldt County, CA. The challenge of the average kid born in the 50's in California, having access to mind expanding drugs, the sudden exposure to completely here-to-for unknown ideologies and the corresponding flood of consciousness all carried upon the gossamer wings of Rock n' Roll was simply remaining alive. For many of the Class of '71 all of this happened when we were in 6th grade or so. Think about that...Think of your elementary school grandchild smoking hash before crawling onto the couch with the rest of the clueless family to watch Bonanza and tell me that is not a recipe for disaster. Being the only one to notice that the Cartwright Ranch did not resemble any sort of a "real" hacienda was an enlightened detail whose value was completely lost in importance on the average family of the time. With a 1001 of these small perceptions breaking on the shores of our tender, young minds the knowledge that the revolution would not be televised seemed a bit of an understatement. Is it any wonder the song "Stayin' Alive" made such an impact in the seventies?

It is with that kind of survival spirit usually reserved for shell shocked veterans of a foreign war, that the class of '71 finds itself converging possibly saying things like, "My God! Are you still alive? Amazing! I thought you shot down in the Haight! Far out! So good to see you!" We know what we are referencing and we are familiar with those cultural seedlings planted in our lives; even if the younger bystander chooses to romanticize the era. Most of us by now have wrestled our turmoils over High School and have settled into an understanding of our own uneven footing and awkward presence in life at that time. After 40 years? The statute of limitations has expired even if we have not. It is time to let go and count blessings. Yeah absolutely! I'll be your Facebook friend and I am sincerely happy for people making their lives as they have. We survived and we all have similar marks of a time of special enlightenment. We were all in some way originating from that cultural nesting and we share a commonality. Given the outstanding and unusual height and architecture of that nest, the bond is almost mythical; the childhood stories among us, legendary in the context of their time.

I'm unable to attend this reunion but I am posting this in my absence. I know some will understand the relief I felt when finally, in the 90's, I stopped having the bad dreams about forgetting to go to Algebra class for an ENTIRE quarter. (Seriously...a reoccurring dream....for years). I'm happy with what I have retained of that time of my life. I'm a child of my culture. I cannot love music any more than I do without imploding, I am resilient, still mathematically challenged and I deeply appreciate questioning authority...especially my own.

I wish you all a plethora of good friends and healthy, happy families through all the rest of your days. Party on my friends and, as always, be advised there is warning out on the brown acid...Let's continue to take care of each other out there.

This is the 9 minute version of "Bluebird". Some of you may want to bail at 3:20 into this video and rattle the ice in your high ball in salute ...but for those of you who are inclined, consider relying on your memory, if you can; or...reload that pipe, if you're able. The flight of the Bluebird all the way to the end just might carry you home.

Want more? On The Way Home

Thank you franzia14999 for the "Bluebird" video.
Thank you sixties4ever13 for the "On the Way Home" video.

The August Louis Ledford

2011-08-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

It is August and every August my mind turns to the local festival "The Subdued Stringband Jamboree" an annual festival in these parts that I've been attending since I moved to Bellingham in 2004. By now, I suspect, I would need therapy if I missed a year as nothing would be quite right with me after it passed and I wasn't somehow witness to the revelry. But I digress. It is August and the Jam is on my mind and so are all of the fine musicians, circus performers, dancers and general ya-hoos ever-present at that spectacular. I was thinking that I would feature one of those performers for this month but could not decide which one to choose until I was out a few nights ago and there across the room sat Louis Ledford listening to a performer. Later I was walking when up shuffled Ledford's "So Long" from his album "Adious King" into my headphones like an order from a celestial head waiter. Reminded how much I love his work, my decision was made. Lewis Ledford it is for August.

Ledford is an incredible song writer. I have slipped one or two of his tunes on to compilation disks years ago in hopes people would recognize what a great talent he is and buy his music...or go see him play. He moved to Bellingham recently but he hails from the south and you can hear it in his song with the rich, mellow storytelling he employs. His songs are woven with the kind of poetry that begs more than just one listen. I always hear something new in his work each time I hear it and I never tire of it surfacing on my mp3 player. I'm no musician so I'm not going to make a fool out of myself talking what I don't know. What I can say about his playing is that every song is laced with a sense of intimacy that is so smooth and comforting that you really never even notice you've been worked on until the song has ended. He's got his weapons and he knows how to use them. The music delivers...the dreamy lure of fine musicianship and then the keen wording sinking the hook. I don't know how he does it but I know it is righteous. I see he's on the roster for this year's Jam and I'm looking forward to seeing him play.

Unfortunately, I can't find a widget to post for the month at the top of my blog so you will just have to look at his picture and hum along to the CD you buy here....or you can click on the picture and enjoy listening to some Amazon clips. Equally unfortunate there is not much video of Ledford out there that isn't lengthy, so you'll have to suffer my sad effort of capturing his work a few years ago. I took a couple of videos of him playing the Jamboree and posted them on YouTube before it occurred to me that some performers frown on that when you don't ask permission so I stopped the practice of posting what I record. This one went up before I became enlightened, however, and with apologies to everyone concerned for the poor quality, I offer it to you here. Buy his CDs. They will bring you great joy.

Lengthier videos with better quality are offered up by globalmojo here and here

Job vs Job - What it is REALLY Like Being on Unemployment

2011-07-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

You may be struggling. Perhaps you lost your job. Perhaps you've been working the better part of your life doing one thing or another to maintain being gainfully employed so you could pay your taxes and make a family and maybe recreate a little. You may have never even picked up a dollar off the ground that you didn't try to find who dropped it. You may think since you lost your job by no fault of your own that there would be in place a safety net so you could get your bearings and carry on as a functioning part of the community. People talk about it. It's called Unemployment Insurance.

Unemployment Insurance implies that it will support you as you re-establish yourself after a disenfranchisement. Don't believe it. The system is set up so that a beneficiary must report weekly what they are doing to find a new employment situation. This on the onset does not seem like an unrealistic expectation until you put it into practice. Sometimes, especially if you are a homeowner in a small community, it is not possible to get back into one's same work and an entirely new foundation to make an income must be laid. There is no "grey" area with this institution to support this kind of need. It is still required that at least three job searches must be done. No matter there is nothing even closely resembling the kind of work you are skilled in. You must apply for jobs - any jobs. UI has no interest in people finding new and creative ways to reinvent themselves either. What is really mean in all of this is that they SAY they are into all of that (and I sincerely think the people who are working directly with clients on a local level have that intention) but Unemployment Insurance has no policy and/or law to support the popular notion that one can loose their job and come back stronger. You can perhaps, slip into a training program if you have always secretly desired to become a pastry chef or an auto mechanic or a welder...then you are IN! All the policies are intent towards pressing the unemployed into taking the first job that comes along - even if it is a ditch digger and you are a technical expert in something or you have chronic sciatica, by law, you must take that ditch digging job if it is offered to you. If you do not, you face an accusatory appeals process and must go to court. If you lie about it to avoid the messiness and are caught, you go to jail. The temptation to "fib" is overwhelming in this scenario and in there lies the rub.

Unemployment is set up to put you - a number - into the nearest job - a number - so that their numbers that go into their reports reflect that they are doing an effective job so they can keep their jobs. There are well intended people assigned to help on the local level who have pressure to get their clients hooked up into a job - any job - as soon as possible so THEIR numbers look good.

I refuse to lie on principle. I've had one hearing over a computer glitch and even the judge couldn't get it right. The judgment almost cost me my house as I don't receive much from my benefit and I fell short on my mortgage. Fortunately I had a mortgage payment socked away. The computer now glitches every time the University where I used to work has a break between quarters and it appears that I have to appeal and go to court again over each. They decided against me and because I worked on call as an operator that one week (no matter that I worked on call all the other weeks too), they charged me 228.00 of my benefit as a penalty. The judge evidently could not see the irony in the fact that had I not worked 5 hours that week I would not have been fined and, in fact UI would have had to pay me for a full weeks wages,"...well, policy is policy. You were on call so you had reason to believe you would be called back to work after the break. Pay up. Next!"

It gets better: UI then set up a mandatory meeting for people to attend 2 days after a long weekend Holiday and did not mail the notices out until 7 days prior to the meeting. It is timed almost as if this is a net to catch ne're do wells who are taking a Holiday on the State's dime. That would be me. I had a trip planned to attend my family reunion if I was not employed by then. I thought it would be a good time to go as there is a dip in hiring generally around the Holidays and I could still do my work searches if I crunched it, which I did. I even got an interview from one of the inquiries I made that week which I went to the following week. I got the notice to attend the meeting the Wednesday before the Holiday. I was to be on the train the following day and I was to return on the day of the meeting but I wouldn't get in until 9pm that night.

Unemployment evidently frowns upon people bonding with their families annually as it interferes with that person getting the job they want them to take a MacDonalds. Now I am accused of being missing for that week "because I was not available to work as I was travelling". I am charged $212.00 for telling the truth. What no one will say out loud: I could have lied and stated I had a Doctor's appointment and had to pay nothing. I don't lie. I am free to appeal but you know what? I'd rather pay them what they say I owe them and write in this blog and warn people of the reality of what they are getting into with Unemployment Insurance. This is time that I should be focusing on getting myself stabilized, trained and gainfully employed. Instead, my time is eaten up appealing these allegations that obviously, as I said, have nothing to do with the reality of the situation. Then there's court time and taking time off my part time job to do that. It is only costing me money as they constantly fine me for being honest. It costs them much more than that. It is as if to resist and appeal is to sink deeper into their dysfunction. There is no justice to be gained with such an organization.

This whole experience reminds me of how the IRS used to deal with taxpayers before they finally "reformed" and became user friendly. For years EVERYONE feared the IRS for just the exact same reasons that I cite here with unemployment. There was a time when every line you answered on the tax forms was a loaded question designed to be muddled on purpose to keep the shifty taxpayer nervous and full of fear. The entire structure of Unemployment Insurance is designed to taunt people into a lie and then pitted into catching them at it. It is rapacious and disgusting.

As for this post, it is a warning...Unemployment Insurance: That money is not there to help you. That money is there for you to receive after you are lured into being a liar by trying to comply with outrageous requests and then to be bitch slapped as a cheat. If you are thinking you may loose your job, start looking for something new now while you are working because you will be shamed, my friend, with what this organization requires of you to receive benefits. I have had the patience of Job during all of this appeal, hearings and denials business. I'm not a religious woman but, by God, if I ever find myself toying with the notion of working again for a large organization or a government agency I hope I am struck dead on the spot before I can follow through with it. I feel sorry for the people I have had to deal with who work in these departments and agencies. I would not want to be one of them ever again. I guess I have finally gotten my gut full of being bullied.

I'm sure I will be better for all of this when I'm re-established in my community. But today I am extremely frustrated in being identified as negligent and constantly having to take up my time trying to explain the situation and defend myself because I won't cower to idiocy. No. I'm not going to appeal. What really torches my shorts is that is exactly what they want people to do: Give up so they don't have to do what they are supposed to be doing and what they are failing miserably at...lending a hand.

July - Embrace Antje Duvekot

2011-07-06T23:54:00.000-07:00

I'm a little late this month with my featured artist for the month of July. I present to you: Antje Duvekot. I am a bit jealous if you are not familiar with Antje's music because I know what you are going to be feeling when you spend some time with her work. First there is the mesmerizing quality and then, like many before you the question of why haven't I heard of this artist before will hit you in alarm. To that I say: It is only a matter of time because, if you have her music, you will enjoy it over and over again.

The song below, Scream is from Antje's last album The Near Demise of a High Wire Dancer.

Antje has a Kickstarter campaign going this month so don't miss out on the privilege of being grass roots supporter of her new album, Siberia...signed autographed copy, anyone? You have 21 days. What can I say Antje Duvekot is so talented my Granddaughter made sure she was born on Antje's birthday. I can think of no greater tribute than that! Enjoy this video and watch the one on Kickstarter for the history of her other albums. Lyrics below.

Scream
(Antje Duvekot / Seamus Egan)

There's not too many people that i really call my friends
and every path i take comes to an end
i might draw near before i slip out like a thief
the only reason i arrive is to leave

I will find desperation in the middle of this peace
and i will be your friend but, friend, i wouldnt count on me
cause i will sell your trust that i didnt even earn
and i won't be happy with this bridge 'til i can sit and watch it burn

You are the fisherman
i am the storm
you become a baby when i hold you in my arms
you are a vessel floating upon my sea
and my waves are crashing and i cannot hear you scream

I know that you have given everything you could
to a brain that willed but a heart that never ever would
for it is lost unsure, afraid and it is blind
and it will claim you were never on its side

You are the fisherman
i am the storm
you become a baby when i hold you in my arms
you are a vessel floating upon my sea
and my waves are crashing and i cannot hear you scream

I am coldfront and you are a rosebud
i am a saltmine and you are a deep cut
i am a floodwave and you are a nutshell
you are an ice patch and i am the sun
i am a sharp nail and you are a barefoot
i am a thumb tack and you are a tire
i am a tall cliff and every man falls

You are the fisherman
i am the storm
you become a baby when i hold you in my arms
you are a vessel floating upon my sea
and my waves are crashing and i cannot hear you scream..

Thank you to MUSICTOMUSIC for the video.

Summer Solstice: Expectation and the Rising Sun

2011-06-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

Every year in the shadow of the longest night of the year, I ask myself a question or put forth an idea, desire or a wish and I write it down on a piece of paper. Last winter Solstice I was sitting in the home of my son folding origami to be used as suitable nests for these little missives. I passed the papers out prompting my son and his wife to join me in writing something down. I explained that the idea is that on summer Solstice in the bright height of the Sun's languid, solar glory, we re-read what we wrote on this day. Over the many years that I've been doing this, I still cannot remember exactly what I wrote over this six month span when it comes time to read it. When I opened mine up today, I laughed out loud!

I had two wishes for myself listed. One was to be financially stabilized and the second was to have a strong sense of value in myself. Well one out of two isn't bad! Thanks to many associations I have made by moving outside my comfort zone in the last six months, I have received a great deal of affirmation from people and it has done wonders for my flagging self esteem. As for the dough, things are worse than anything I could have imagined last December! Having said that, there has also been revealed a net under my precarious perch on the edge of financial doom, should the ground give way. I don't want to fall. Falling and stabilizing are contrary to each other in my mind and certainly not what I had in mind when I wrote what I did last December. I don't want to fail either and what if there is no stabilizing without leaping? Stay tuned...we have another six months.

And what did I expect?

My word of the year expectation (winter Solstice here and spring Equinox here) has really proven to be a challenge. My personal favorite opposite of expectation is surprise and since the brunt of the surprises in my life have not been welcome ones, I have always defaulted to the preference of being the girl jumping out of the celebratory cake as opposed to the honorary shocked recipient of an exploding confection. Suspending expectations has allowed for the unexpected to make itself known in it's own natural way. No exploding cigars, happily.

Easily one of the most difficult aspects of working with this word over the last six months is the problem of dealing with other people's expectations of me; likewise, the energy I put into maintaining those expectations. Being a socialized human is simply a nasty bit of business. I mean trying to understand these nuances of relationship is truly a nonstop bullet train to insanity in so many ways. Because I was born a female in the 50s, I was raised and built all my sense of place in the world around what I thought was expected of me. To go back and pick out the buggery bits of my investments in shoring expectations, including the things that no longer make any sense at all since their expiry date is long past due, left me undone. Fortunately, in the last few months, I came across an alternative set of tools for rebuilding using my accumulated positive experiences, personal courage and successes. I was saved from an inclination to do violent acts against my family, well-intended employers and democracy...all of which expected - and continue to expect - my game face...well placed, preferably wrinkle free and, by God, smiling.

In actual practice removing expectation is a monumental task but what I have discovered over the past six months in working with this is that what is under every expectation is some form of faith, hope and trust. When those issues are laid bare to writhe under the light of day, it is easy to see why we prefer dealing with the cloak of expectation with its titillating smoking mirrors of half truths, posturing and rubbery cynicism. Under the expectation is the uncertainty of life; the tender bits few want to acknowledge or recall; the first slaps of reality, disappointments and mortality. We must move on, grow up, secure ourselves in the middle of something and the quicker the better; move from where the thousand and one unhealed wounds fester; move on to an expectation of a brighter tomorrow where there is enough distraction and distance that the losses can be safely ignored. It is in the cultivation of these values instead of the constant upkeep of the unrealistic expectations where I put my energy now. It was only a matter of time before I popped out of the cake at the wrong party; an unwelcome parody of myself and I know it.

This Solstice, I am here: I carry on completely broke, unadorned, cultivating faith, hope and the kindness of strangers. There are no clever shortcuts, few comforts and no turning back.

I'm celebrating summer Solstice this year being thankful for my long life and the abundance of my experience. The people who have helped me in the last few months have humbled me with their eagerness to share their knowledge and encouragement. Ultimately I'm thankful for those who have quietly supported me through their courage to be themselves and through being as close to me as I allow...I know you are there...you angels....you treasured, gilded memories. I'm thankful for musical legacies like the one that George left for the quiet guidance they afford. These soaring moments play such a big part in my being able to live fully beyond my wildest expectations.

So to all: Happy Solstice...Celebrate the Rising Sun!

"...And in the room of mirrors you can see for miles
but everything that's there is in disguise
every word you've uttered and every thought you've had
is all inside your file, the good and the bad.

But in the rising sun you can feel your life begin
universe at play inside your DNA
you're a billion years old today

oh the rising sun and the place it's coming from
is inside of you and now your payment's overdue
oh the rising sun, oh the rising sun..."

George Harrison

Thank you to lovesheart for the video.

Someone to Blame - Janis Ian

2011-05-31T23:38:00.000-07:00

It is June and time to pick a new featured artist. I pick Janis Ian. A lot of the reason I can do much of what I do today is because of what Janis Ian did long before anyone had any real understanding that vast paradigm shifts were afoot or that a future was burgeoning in feminism and computer technology. In my case, when I was young few women spoke, wrote or sang taking the kinds of risks that Janis took. She created more room for women like me. Timid women with deep thoughts with no where to put them; women who needed more permission than a tool box.

Some will only remember Janis Ian as a singer/songwriter for her hits like "At Seventeen" and "Societies Child" but if you have been wandering around the peripheries of the Music Industry or read science fiction (to name only a few niches she has established herself in) you would understand what an icon of strength, vision and conviction she is. The power in her understated performance on Tea And Sympathy in the video below is breathtaking and she still records and tours handling an audience like they are intimate and beloved playthings.

So when I say "I can because Janis did" it is because she laid the groundwork for a lot of the liberties women take for granted these days. I shoot my mouth off now and write what is on my mind and I blame her....but not, of course, for my poor aim. So it is Janis Ian in June. No music widget that I could find, sadly, but...she certainly has a great website with a listening room available.

I highly recommend you take a moment to explore her site as it is an historical monument to music and righteous personal industry. For a tremendously interesting read, I direct you to Ian's autobiography, Society's Child.

Photo credit: Peter Cunningham

In Honor of Judgement Day

2011-05-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

"Don't worry about everything...

every little thing is gonna be all right"

For those of you following along in your play book, Saturday, May 21, 2011 is supposed to be "the" Judgement Day. In honor of the event I thought I would share some "Round-the-World" travelling music for those staying or going.

Playing for Change is a music organization that is dedicated to building music schools and encouraging all earthlings to preserve their musical culture for generations to come...world without end. Amen. Obviously they expect the music to play on and I'm inclined to agree. So here is a little Judgement Day music with a sweet message for an auspicious event like today...Three Little Birds played by musicians all around the world.

I like to think that the world is actually held together by folks like these.

This song can be found on the new Playing for Change album PFC-2: Songs Around the World.

Fleet Foxes - When Human Moments are Fine

2011-05-01T11:20:00.000-07:00

I have chosen the Fleet Foxes for this month's musical interlude on my blog [see the sidebar on the right]. I like them but to be honest I never bothered to do the research on the band until it occurred to me to put them in here. This is a round about way of saying that what appealed to me about Fleet Foxes was based solely upon their sound after I heard them. I bought their disc, Sun Giant, and it has been in rotation for two years on my mp3 player. Always a welcome surfacing from the "shuffle" feature on my player. I really did not think twice about the band until this week when I received notice that they had a new album coming out called Helplessness Blues. I checked out sound samples and was reminded again how absolutely stunning their lush sound is. I decided then and there that I would be buying their new album and that they would be my May featured artist.

So it was, that on the heels of my attempt at putting their widget on my blog, I did some research into the band. I was pleased to find that they are artists who are generous in spirit. What is more, it was in doing the reading that it was suggested that they might not be insulted (at least I hope not) by my closeted association of their sound in my aged ear to my favorite dysfunctional musical family of the 60's the Mamas and the Papas...only, of course, Fleet Foxes are 45 years more. The full harmonies aside there is something of the jangle and edge of gypsies and an urgent excitement in their sound; a passion that betrays their innocence. A sound that could be easily tortured by any one else trying to procure it.

When I listened to excerpts from their new album the Helplessness Blues, I was truly thrilled to hear the same delicate yet strong luxuriant sound in the work along with what sounded like a confidence in pacing. I don't know how to explain it but I like it. I hope you like it too. Please enjoy Fleet Foxes. Catch up with who they are as I did from their artist statement at Sub Pop and join me in supporting them to continue their work . Buy their music. See their shows.

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video courtesy of bcasey63

The Healing Prowess of Rose Laughlin

2011-04-07T13:05:00.000-07:00

It was November, I remember. The news of my being laid off was a fresh wound. I didn't really feel like going out but I was encouraged to hear this singer by a previous sighting and a brisk exchange of emails with her so I sucked it up and went to the local coffee house where Rose Laughlin was scheduled to perform.

I was struck by Rose the minute she entered the venue. She had an ease that sometimes accompanies people when they are in "their element" and her performance proved my first impression true. As she tuned her guitar, she told us of her work with the elderly and how she plays for people who are suffering or in unfortunate straights - often the elderly and their kin. She explained that she "interprets music" mostly, arranging a rendition as she feels the authors of the songs would want them performed. My intellect processed this information as: "Oh she does covers". None of this, however, prepared me for the searing essence of these tunes wending their way through me as they did that evening. It was as if Rose channeled somehow a part of these compositions, mostly Celtic, from her deep genetic roots. It was so subtle and profound that it took me over thoroughly before I could examine it. In between the tunes she educated us on the research she had done on each song and I wondered if her studying the songs empowered them in a mystical way because they became much more than "covers"; it was more the songs became reborn from their source.

I was holding my own through this cradling of music until, synchronistically, Rose chose to perform "Over the Rainbow". This is the song that was played at my Mother's funeral a few years back. I can't hear it - and I hear it often - without thinking of my mother. When Rose did the song, I remembered my mother. The tension and the feelings of loss from life and work came flooding out as she played the song and the song played me. My waterworks began and as I listened and I was able to remember nothing is ever really lost, it just transforms. People we love, jobs and prosperity we enjoy, even the moments of terror and regret...they are all transient. So are troubadours like Rose who leave in their wake a slightly healed and transformed environment then they silently steal away to the next act of kindness. Such is the healing prowess of Rose Laughlin's renditions of song. Don't miss an opportunity to see Rose Laughlin perform live. Support her endeavors. She's a rare and valuable bird.

Rose has just announced the arrival of her third CD, "House of Memory". It can be purchased at her website. Digital downloads are not available yet, but should be within the next couple of weeks at cdbaby.com.

Rose states:

..."House of Memory" is a collection of American Roots, Celtic and contemporary song. There is also one song that I wrote myself, the title track, "House of Memory". It is a song that was inspired by a woman with dementia.

There are many fine musicians that played on this album and it was produced by folk luminaries, Kate MacLeod and Kat Eggleston..."

Some artists perform music to let you know what they have to say and some artists; those like Rose Laughlin, perform music to allow you to experience what music can do.

Photo Credit: CelticFolkPod.com

Spring Equinox: Expectation and Surprise

2011-03-20T13:31:00.000-07:00

If I brought you a dove

From a cinnamon tree

Would you cage her with comfort

Like you've put around me

Or would you leave her to fly

To seek out the sky. . . . . . and the fire.

Paul Siebel

"If I Could Stay"

Jack-Knife Gypsy

It is the Spring Equinox and time to ponder my word of the year "Expectation" in quarter round finals. Excuse me if I mention the obvious here in stating that when the country of Japan woke up on February 10th they did not expect that their lives were going to be irrevocably turned upside down and inside out by nature. Not a one. None of us who wanted desperately to help them expected to not have enough money to do so because the economy has been tapped so violently by rich self interest, oil dependence and the war machine. By it's very nature expecting is a game of chance as is made obvious by this event and it is as if to expect anything is only an enterprise for the those thoroughly insulated with a heart like a cue ball and a will of iron. In line, with anticipation are the delusional who are always in wait to inherit the appropriate shielding to call themselves included.

I was not expected either, to my Mom when she discovered she was pregnant with me. There was a tsunami of tears no doubt because to be a pregnant single, divorced mother of three in 1953 was no enviable position to be in. My childhood started out much like Pip in the Dicken's Classic of Great Expectations with early conversations with the devil who would make unreasonable demands of a child. I was turned upside down and shook and scared to death by threats of disembowelment for breathing a word of the truth.

This kind of start for a child sets a certain trajectory that takes years to get control of. I'm almost sixty and I'd have it down by now but for time always moving my chair. I learned how to hang on to the chair by staying seated. I did this for 18 years when the chair in which I was seated was recently kicked out from under me. I managed to get up and now I stand awkwardly in the open. What do I know about making a stand? I have spent my life either running or sitting.

I have been through enough in this life to know that nothing happens to people randomly...not really. That just has not been my experience. We may not be in control of everything that happens to us but it is true that all we ever really own is our reaction to each situation anyway. On some level we are all in a collective pool of light either helping or hindering the evolution of humanity. I had thought that I was supposed to right myself...get better...blend in. Who knew that so much would be expected of me? Not I. It was never proposed and completely omitted from my orientation to life. Who knew that a hardscrabble beginning was the introduction and the orientation to the radical life I was supposed to attend to? Maybe I thought I would live like a cuckoo in a clock and poke my head out to announce myself in a timely manner. I don't know what I was thinking, frankly, but my choice was made and my fate abated. Being forged by fire is clearly my greatest strength today with my game face askew and my daily agenda a lottery. I am ruined.

For all intents and purposes expectation, the first quarter of the year, Spring Equinox, and under the Perigee Super Moon of 2011, finds part of me standing with the survivors in the rubble in Sendai, Japan assessing damages and expecting tremulous surprises. Once I expected the sun to rise on a new day, now I am surprised the world keeps turning for the suffering...but turn it does; into a new day. Nothing will ever be the same for Japan. I don't expect anything will ever be the same for me either in a much smaller, personal way. Still, we all forge ahead.

Thanks to Citizen K for posting the video above on his blog so I could steal it.
Thank you to Peter Tibbles of Time Goes By Sundays for turning me on to the music of Paul Siebel.

Step by Step with Danny Schmidt

2011-03-06T11:07:00.000-08:00

Click Here For Music From Man of Many Moons:

KNOW THY PLACE

I'm old fashioned. I come from a time when music arrived on vinyl fully formed as a whole piece of work delivered through strange and complex birthing channels unknown to any novice outside of the secretive music industry. Now music is offered in bits and bytes and all of that is fine but when your are a music "foodie" (or in my case, a fanny? Wait. That can't be right...well, yeah, it IS right...) there is only the need for savoring the entire musical offering cut to cut.

So it was with this kind of enthusiasm that I approached Danny Schmidt's latest offering Man of Many Moons...in its entirety. I feigned off the tidbits and previews because I didn't want to ruin my meal.

I listen to music while I am walking. I have put in about 30 miles and almost as many days on my treadmill listening to Man of Many Moons. I didn't need to listen that long but I didn't want to stop. Even though I knew I really should stop and go write this blog entry and rave about the work, I wanted to keep listening. What can I say beyond that? I'm not a musician. I can't begin to comprehend what all it takes to orchestrate this kind of musical magic. Danny's got the gift and the talent to take what his muse throws at him and he turns it into a musical love-thing. I don't have a favorite cut. It depends on what day it is and what is on my mind at the time that I'm listening because Danny's lyrics and music are so mercurial. They work on me in that way. The songs are multi-faceted the way the sunlight plays throughout the day on Half Dome as seen from the valley floor of Yosemite. From where I stand it is plain and simple joy. I wouldn't be surprised to find I'm not alone in that observation from people who actually know what they are talking about.

Let me just say this: If you are not familiar with Danny Schmidt's talent, this CD is an opportune offering to start with. Listen and buy it here. Make sure you are on Danny's mailing list so you don't miss him when he comes to town. If you are already a fan then I have a smile, a knowing glance and a "Damn! He did it AGAIN!" just for you.

Photo credit Rodney Bursiel

And now a word from our Pisces fish.....

2011-03-05T13:16:00.000-08:00

It has come to my attention that a local treasure is in need of a little patronizing here in Bellingham. The valuable cache of which I speak is the small business of the Desire Fish Co. who sell their salmon off of their own boat, Desire, in Squalicum Harbor Gate 7. This company and this boat are not your run-of-the-mill small business. This boat cradles a family whose business is based on an honorable harvest of food of great value - the mighty salmon. The entire family presses northward into the Alaskan waters annually and returns in the fall to supply the local community with wholesome and pure wild salmon. Their website explains their mission and their intention as well as the process they use to bring the fish to our tables.

I went to the Desire as I do every year at this time to buy my Pisces friend his birthday fish and I was surprised to find that this March, unlike previous years at this time, the friendly fisher people have an abundance of fish. So my lucky Bellinghamsters you have the extreme good fortune to take advantage of this by making a bee-line down to the Squalicum Harbor Gate 7 to support this treasure of the Bellingham community.

I don't "do" commercials in my blog but as I drove home from the harbor, I thought that I would do my best to let people know that the opportunity to support this hard working and caring family is here. I was surprised myself that they had such a wide variety of salmon after the holidays this year and it occurred to me that perhaps others thought they might be out of fish, too. As an added special, the opportunity for a marvelous weekend stroll around the harbor comes at no extra charge and I highly recommend that, too.

Desire Fish Company

Fishing Boat Desire

Friday 2-5

Sat/Sun 10-5

Long may you run...

I thought I saw Miss Havisham - Expectations

2011-02-03T15:20:00.000-08:00

“We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aid, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn.” ~Henry David Thoreau

It is word of the year time again and it has come to my attention through a post on Facebook that I have been remiss in giving due credit to the person who I originally got the idea of this annual tradition from. Christine Kane years ago came up with this idea in lieu of a New Years resolution to pick one word to focus on. I came across Christine as a singer/songwriter and I see on her website that she is still making music and has expanded her work to include helping people realize their dreams as she is now a Mentor to the Women Who Are Changing the World

"Christine’s philosophy is that you are the artist and your life is your work of art."

I have become distanced over the years from Christine's work but her idea about the word of the year stuck with me. It appeals to me because of its simplicity. It suits my nature. I'm happy with my one word and it serves me well, I think. Thanks, Christine!

I have known that my word of the year for 2011 would be expectation since December. Over and over again last year the word expect would surface as I tried to make sense of events that were becoming blindingly clear. The farther I got into the 2010 word clarity, the further the word expectation made for the distant horizon. I found it spent, in a puddle of exhaustion, on Winter Solstice. So much of my perception, it seems, is entangled in what I am expecting and what is being expected of me. Too many times I found myself mumbling and asking, "...and just what WERE you expecting?" or "How could they possibly be expecting THAT?" When I was laid off; when my intention was completely misunderstood; when things turned out better than I anticipated; when I realized I chose a difficult route in life; when the economy tanked; when I found myself blackballed for my choices; when I felt political disappointment; when I was emotionally extorted; when the worst happened and I felt relieved; when I realized I have everything I need to be happy and when I found myself utterly and absolutely alone in the world yet surrounded by everyone I ever needed and wanted. Who knew that all of these events were tethered to expectations, entitlements and assumptions?

All I ever intended to expect from the world was for the promise of its turning to the sun each morning and a chance to be myself...but I'm human...and an American, too boot. By the time the sleep is rinsed from my eyes, with a nod to the rising sun, I'm off to dance and forage and be concerned with the matters of the collective human beast everyday. It is in these moving bits that harbor the seeds of expectation that trip me up and trip me out. I'm challenged to figure out what I expect and find ways of understanding what is expected of me. This is my work for the year. This is my word of the year.

Expectation [ek-spek-tey-shuhn]

the act or the state of expecting: to wait in expectation.

the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

an expectant mental attitude: a high pitch of expectation.

something expected; a thing looked forward to.

Often, expectations. a prospect of future good or profit: to have great expectations.

the degree of probability that something will occur: There is little expectation that he will come.

Statistics . mathematical expectation.

the state of being expected: a large sum of money in expectation.

expectation

1530s, from M.Fr. expectation or directly from L. expectationem (nom. expectatio ) "anticipation," from expectare. Related: Expectations .

Regarding Miss Havisham.

Painting by Eric Gooch.

From the Mouths of Babes

2011-01-28T12:09:00.000-08:00

I don't think I have ever heard of this kind of moxie spring from a valedictorian before. Not in my time, anyway. Certainly I have never been so moved by the courage of Erica Goldson, Valedictorian . Education got the royal grilling it deserves and I hope to everything good in this world that she is allowed to become the leader that she obviously is. We would all be better for it. I was in tears by the end of the speech and my heart was full of hope in the youth of America today. It is an inspiring 10 minutes I hope you give it a go. Especially if you are in the education system either as a student or as an educator.

The text of this speech is here.

And followup here.

More about Erica here.

Keeping Promises

2011-01-23T23:13:00.000-08:00

It has come to my attention that the President in his State of the Union address on January 25th is going to announce his current thoughts on the Social Security program. A lot of people have become nervous about President Obama's weakened stand on his originally strong platform regarding Social Security. I'm one of them. What was once a security net for millions of elders in this country has become part of the foundation for their survival with the ravaging their retirement accounts took with the Banking Industry over extending itself. In other words, if Social Security gets handed over to private industry the money will be removed from a strong, secured and viable program and funneled once more to be handled by people who the country is not confident in, frankly. The consequences for the many seniors who are already living in poverty is seriously dire.

You might remember Senator Bernard Sanders, who gave the remarkable speech of a life time on the Senate floor against the Obama-GOP tax deal. I am copying here his incredible letter to President Obama regarding the President's promises he made regarding Social Security during his election. I hope you take the moment to read it as Mr. Sanders has an inspiring and lucid way of explaining the obvious. We all need to keep a vigilant eye on our lawmakers and do everything in our power to see to it that they deliver on what they promise. That is our responsibility to our democratic society. Obama cannot be any better than what we ask him to be. It is time to ask.

Dear Mr. President:
There have been worrisome reports that you are considering supporting tax cuts in Social Security. I hope that information is wrong, and that you will stand bby your campaign promises to strengthen Social Security, making sure that it remains strong and vibrant and able to pay out full benefits for our children and grandchildren.

As you well know, despite rhetoric from Republicans and those on Wall Street, Social Security is not in financial crisis. The Social Security Trust Fund today has a $2.6 trillion surplus that is projected to grow to over $4 trillion by the year 2023.

Social Security can pay out every nickel owed to every eligible American for at least the next 26 years. After that, if Congress does not act (which I strongly believe it must), Social Security will be able to pay out at last 75 percent of eligible benefits.
Further, Social Security has not contributed anything to our national debt. Social Security is 100 percent funded through payroll tax contributions coming from workers and employers and, up until last year, it has received no funding from the federal Treasury.

Mr. President, although the American people now take Social Security for granted, we should never underestimate the incredibly positive impact that Social Security has had on our country.
Since it's inception over 75 years ago, through good economic times and bad, Social Security has paid out every penny owed to every eligible beneficiary with minimal administrative costs. What an extraordinary accomplishment!

During that period Social Security has succeeded in keeping millions of senior citizens, widows, orphans, and persons with disabilities out of poverty. Before Social Security existed, about half of America's senior citizens lived in poverty. Today, less than 10 percent live in poverty.
More than 52 million Americans now receive Social Security benefits. I would contracts that record to the situation we recently saw on Wall Street when millions of Americans lost significant amounts of their retirement savings because of the collapse of the stock market.

But, I do not have to tell you all this, Mr. President, because that is very much the same message you conveyed to the American people during your presidential campaign of 2008. Here are some of the excellent statements you made during the campaign:

• “Social Security is not in crisis; it is a fundamentally sound system, but it does have a problem long term...The best idea is to lift the cap on the payroll tax, potentially exempting middle-class folks, but making sure that the wealthy are paying more of their fair share.” - Senator Barack Obama, October 30, 2007
• “The alternatives, like raising the retirement age, or cutting benefits, or raising the payroll tax on everybody, including people making less than $97,000 a year [now $106,800 a year] – those are not good policy options.” - Senator Barack Obama, April 16, 2008

• “I believe that cutting [Social Security] benefits is not the right answer; and that raising the retirement age is not the best option.” - Senator Barack Obama, November 11, 2007

And even more recently, as president, you made a very strong statement on this issue, according to an October 14, 2010 Reuters article: “President Barack Obama said...he favored raising more revenue for Social Security to prolong the solvency of the U.S. retirement fund, rather than just cutting benefits or making people work longer...

“'I do think that the best way to do it would be to look at the fact that right now, you only pay Social Security taxes to about $106,800, and after that you don't pay any Social Security tax,' President Obama said. 'That could be modified or changed in a way that would help extend the solvency of Social Security.'”

Mr. President, as I'm sure you are aware, our Republican colleagues have long opposed Social Security not because it hasn't worked, but because of ideological reasons. Despite its extraordinary success, they simply believe that government should not be involved in providing retirement benefits to seniors, or supporting the disabled, or widows and orphans. They would prefer Wall Street and the private sector do that.

But that has not been your position and that is not the promise you made to the American people. That is not why you were elected president. Further, that is not what the vast majority of the American people want to see happen.

All of us want to work in a bi-partisan manner when we can, but needlessly cutting Social Security benefits when that has nothing to do with our deficit situation, is not good public policy or what is good for our country.

I urge you to once again make it clear to the American people that under your watch we will not cut Social Security benefits, raise the retirement age or privatize this critical program.

Social Security is a promise that we cannot and must not break.

Sincerely,
Bernard Sanders
United States Senator

To put in your two cents on this matter before Tuesday's State of the Union Speech go here.

To see a PDF of Bernie Sander's letter go here.

Thank you to Ronni Bennett and her blog Time Goes By for helping me stay on top of these important issues.

Photograph by Benjamin Porter

Making Babies at Sam's Place

2011-01-18T12:38:00.000-08:00

I know...that was a dirty trick and it was not even necessary! ...but now that I have your attention....

The fabulously talented Carrie Elkin, singer songwriter and genuine beautiful person inside and out informs me that she has given birth today to her labor of love for Red House Records..."Call it My Garden".

Carrie actually makes music for us. She accessible that way. If you've ever had the pleasure of seeing her make her magic, I am preaching to the choir. For those who are not aware of the type of heart Carrie Elkin invokes in her music, I suggest you watch this video of the recording of this album. It speaks volumes about how the heart of this album is cultivated and what kind of bounty we will feast upon when we receive the delight of her work .

Personally I cannot wait to hear her offering because I know she sweeps the stars when she creates. She delivers this harvest nested in her gathered apron like it is easy. She is talented that way and surprising like that. Enjoy this video. Buy her new CD, Call it My Garden and pull up a chair and join us at the table.

Imagine There's No Heaven - Clarity Part III

2011-01-05T21:00:00.000-08:00

When I first decided on my word of the year for 2010, clarity, I explored briefly the corresponding word transparency. Transparency had been bandied about a lot at work in 2009 and in the political arena. It peaked my curiosity not only because of what it implied at work but because of what I sensed it would bring to changes in the way we would relate to each other if it caught on. In MY mind, in terms of consciousness raising (which few really want but absolutely has to happen for democracy to survive and evolution to take place) it HAD to catch on eventually. Certainly at my job it's promise held the prospects of great redemption from the confusing and mixed messages that proliferated in the organization, in my mind. I didn't have all that much time to think of it in terms of politics and the world because, well, I had a fire to put out. If it had not been for Julian Assange and his Wikileaks that broke into the news in November, I think I would have forgotten about transparency entirely, such was my disappointment in what I saw of it's practice. Obviously few understand the momentum that taking a risk or two in communicating can bring.

Assange, an internet activist created a whistle-blower website called WikiLeaks that champions freedom of the press, campaigns against censorship and promotes investigative journalism by publishing submissions of private, secret and classified information about business and governments all over the world. Like I said I wasn't paying too much attention to all of this until I read a post from the Republic by Norm Scheiber from December 27th in which WilkiLeaks and Assange are declared "Game-Changers". Oh, would that were true...

I can't tell you how long I have been waiting to sit in a room with people to discuss an issue without all the posturing and translating necessary to get to an idea of what people are talking about. We have all come to accept the smoke and mirrors as being the best the system can do. With WikiLeaks and the concept of transparency we have something that really intrudes on that standard. Dare I say displaces it? WikiLeaks creates a powerful incentive to behave ethically. Imagine doing the most liberating thing not being the most difficult option in decision-making. With everyone submitting their versions of the truth we can at last merge the information and get an accurate reading of the elephant in the middle of the room. In this model honesty rules the day and if you can't take the heat you can shed a few secrets, get out of the kitchen or don an asbestos suit. Either way, the greater good has your number.

There Goes the Neighborhood!

Needless to say there has been a lot of reacting, name calling and gnashing of teeth from factions of people who do not believe that anything that could be so destructive as uncovering a precious network of secrets and inside dope for the "riff raff" to speculate over. We can't possible know the complexities, blah, blah, blah..... I'm of the opinion the re-framing of perspective this way could actually save the whole foundation of Democracy and free enterprise.

WikiLeaks alone is just the messenger. It points to a big piece of the puzzle we have been waiting for. Obviously people who like the system just the way it is are going to see this as opening up the zoo and leaving the wildebeest to devour the innocents. What they do not realize is that we are armed with everything we need. We have been waiting for this day, shopping as we have been instructed to do in buying all kinds of technology and learning and playing with software and applications. We have information tools at our fingertips and technical aptitude to find answers when required. We already have access to the information necessary to check out the world and new technology is developed everyday. We understand the self correcting ways of the internet group-think. We have developed a cyber-savviness and an interactive instinct. There is nothing simple about working with the truth. What is simple is electing and supporting a network of people to do our difficult work of democracy in trade for patronizing them. It has not worked well and, it appears, by this new wrinkle that the new paradigm in dealing with this erroneous standard has arrived.

No doubt, there will be victims and they may be surprising. Re-framing perspective may reveal the good guys to be the bad guys and likewise, the bad to have the right idea. The letting go may be as wrenching as our melancholy over the combustible engine. The pinch we feel may depend on our investment in our favorite CEO, politico or Chevrolet. The new bottom line may read that it is a sad season for those who excel at keeping secrets and are invested in lording over others. Those days were bought and paid well for with 2 thousand years of blood, sweat and tears from others.

The interview with Julian Assange in Forbes by Andy Greenberg from November 29, 2010 is an interesting conversation. I would encourage anyone who has sat fitfully through a frustrating business meeting to give yourself the opportunity to read about and entertain the possibilities of what true transparency suggests. Here's a taste:

“Let’s say you want to run a good company. It’s nice to have an ethical workplace. Your employees are much less likely to screw you over if they’re not screwing other people over.

Then one company starts cutting their milk powder with melamine, and becomes more profitable. You can follow suit, or slowly go bankrupt and the one that’s cutting its milk powder will take you over. That’s the worst of all possible outcomes.

The other possibility is that the first one to cut its milk powder is exposed. Then you don’t have to cut your milk powder. There’s a threat of regulation that produces self-regulation.

It just means that it’s easier for honest CEOs to run an honest business, if the dishonest businesses are more effected negatively by leaks than honest businesses. That’s the whole idea. In the struggle between open and honest companies and dishonest and closed companies, we’re creating a tremendous reputational tax on the unethical companies.“

Assange – Forbes 11/29/10

Reputational tax! God I love this way this man's mind works!

As is my way, I draw too much off the top in all of this and I am being minimalistic about the entire concept. I know this but I cannot hide my enthusiasm and I cannot deny my feeling that this in a very important turning point in the history of freedom of speech and the internet. When someone with the integrity of Carne Ross who stepped down from his assignment where he served at the UN, as the UK delegation's expert on the Middle East, says that this changes everything, I'm going to listen. Ross, you may recall, resigned from his position in 2004, in the middle of a stellar career, because he refused to support the British Government's alliance with President Bush's desire to attack Iraq. Ross' suggestions for alternatives to war were resoundingly ignored. Certainly, when he says regarding WikiLeaks that, "...secrecy does not promote good policy making."* I think the man knows of what he speaks. There is much debate that needs to transpire and the internet needs to be protected from censorship and remain open to all but consider, if you will, the kinds of challenges and opportunities having access to the truth portends. The United States Census Bureau estimates the current world population to be 6,892,000,000. I feel we have reached a tipping point and there are finally enough hearts to dream a free and compassionate world to move the idea forward to the next step.

“A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.” ~Playing for Change

Thank you to Playing for Change for the video.

Kudos to Randy for making sure the important stuff doesn't slip by me.

*Cairne Ross in his presentation at the PDF Leaks Panel 12/10/10.

It Is My Nature- Clarity, Part II

2011-01-03T12:00:00.000-08:00


"It is my nature. Would you love me if I was anything but what I am? "

The above is a quote that was on my monitor for a year. I posted it there almost exactly one year prior to the day of my dismal from my job. The quote and the character, Calypso, were the inspiration for a costume I created and wore at a library event that year. She is a mythological creature captured and trapped in a mortal form to accommodate the lives of men and commerce. They imprisoned her, to better rule the seas that were, prior to her entrapment, full of wildness, unfettered ferocity and danger. In contemplating my word of the year, "clarity" in terms of my work, I recalled this odd and seemingly inconsequential activity and quote. I am seeing it in a new light.

It was suggested that I take this time of unemployment and job seeking to reinvent myself. Library work, which has been the lion's share of my experience in the last 14 years, is not a sustainable focus in these days of budget and service cuts. As I've said repeatedly, you cannot throw a dead cat without hitting an unemployed library worker these days. For the last few weeks, along with submitting my resume and applications to meet the requirements of the unemployment insurance program, I have actually been trying to gain employment and secure interviews. All the while, I am also trying to make some sort of sense out of my situation and create a strategy. Looking back over past year, especially the events surrounding my being laid off, I have have found it necessary to examine my work history and clarify the pattern.

I have always, like my family before me, moved with the work. I'm hard-wired that way. To have found work here in 2004 that I could do well in a place where I actually wanted to be living was nothing short of a miracle to me...perhaps even for my DNA! Moving to Bellingham and working at Wilson Library was the biggest move of my life as far as doing something I wanted to do rather than something I deferred to doing because of circumstance. I was raised to survive, not to live. I really thought I had found a place to work and live that wanted me as much as I wanted it. I was so secure in the knowledge that I was where I was supposed to be that I bought my first home.

Not to put too fine a point on it, there is such a thing as a misspent life. To my credit I have stepped up in a most earnest and well-intentioned way to meet my assignments and, in all, I think that I provided good service to my employers. The misspent part - the part that I have just become aware of in all of this - is that at times the choices that I have made have often been contrary to my nature. It should be noted here that many times I have been simply too dense, high strung or ill-fated to take advantage of the opportunities to change the course of my life that, in hindsight, presented themselves. As well, the only reason that I am able to recognize this nugget of truth now is because I've been laid off and have the time to contemplate these things. It is sort of a good news/ bad news joke in that way as I'm now too old to be anything but my beautiful myself. So this awareness begs the question of just how much truth do I want here? Or, maybe, how much can I handle under these circumstances and still keep my losses at a minimum?

As I wrote out my job history for the past 30 years as was required on an application that I submitted, it became clear to me that I had been quite blessed with opportunities that kept me surviving. I had even worked up a bit of a mojo around it by getting better and better placements one after another! I learned a great deal about the world and meeting other people's expectations, pushing myself beyond my idea of my own limits, making dear friends and enjoying an accolade or two in the process. It was not me, however. It took a while for the real me to get a toehold. The real me writes these posts, waxes philosophical and yearns to engage with those around me in an essential manner. The real me was out in the garage during off hours restoring my strength for that which I felt was my true loyalty: getting to work the next day. I was determined to keep my wild, creative and finer nature under wraps to survive.

Not very many people get to live the ideal lives that we set out to live when we were young and the world was our pearl. Precious few. What is true is that my time to dance on the head of a pin is over. The dancing is for my sons, my grandchildren and my young student friends. I do not feel shirked in any way by fate in this. I write it not in a fatalistic or negative way (though there is some melancholy in the reality of it, in truth) but I am relating this in a weary and exasperated way, as if I at long last turn to face a vicious, slathering demon that has hounded me all of my life - a beast that I thought with every fiber of my being was intent on destroying me and keeping me from gainful employment - only to find that the monster is just an unbridled part of myself that wanted to exist in the world so I could have something more than simple survival...so that I could have love and the pursuit of happiness in my life. I see that now.

This part of myself has obviously found niches and cheated my ramparts to access me and present itself. I have silently cultured it in writing journals, blogging, drawing abstracts, surrendering to music and the love of my family, taking photographs and filming. I will continue to do so but for being called out of my reverie and challenged by the need to survive once more. Artistic and creative pursuits do not bring home the bacon and it was never indicated on any map of the world that I have traversed that art and love would save the day or dinner. Still, I have never let my rumble-spark out of it's hiding place and included it in my quest for lucre before, so who would know? If it wasn't included the contract of what I was selling of myself, who would want to see it? It may be way too late for me to dance but it is not to late to stand up and it is certainly not too late to own up to my error and make adjustments accordingly.

What is clear regarding work is my challenge which appears to be to figure out how to remake myself in such a way that I do not loose more than I can afford to. I submit my applications as required but I yearn to lean into the ear of my prospective employer and ask, "Would you love me if I was anything but what I am...or would you like me to be something different?" Thirty years ago I just might have done it, had it been my fate to dodge a "good" job and the opportunity presented itself. As it is, now I champion anyone with the heart to do so.

Nothing under the sun that happens to a person is an untimely waste. I truly believe (and have good reason to believe) that every moment we are alive is a moment that holds great promise for anyone willing to stop and take advantage of it. Every breath is a gift. Even with my reflections on a misspent life, I do understand that there is no error in it, no sin and no waste. It is not mine to know how or why things play out the way they do. Mine is but to do my best and once I caught on to that fact, I have done so. Over all I have done quite well with what I have had to work with, in my estimation. As I age and become more acquainted with myself, I realize these other options that were hidden from me at the time. I know it sounds trite but every awareness makes itself known in it's own time and its arrival time makes it no less valuable a tool to be used to construct something new. In other words, it may be too late for me to step into my mythological self to grow 300 feet tall and create a maelstrom, but it might not be for someone who reads this.

I Can See Clearly Now. It's Raining. - Part I

2011-01-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

I have been avoiding this post. It is now the New Year. My year with my word of the year, "clarity" has been both a blinding light and a rough mistress. Even though I can intellectually process the benefits of the information, I'm having trouble moving beyond the pistol whipping my precious plans have taken this year. It is one of those years where the best you can say is, "Well, I didn't die..." or "WELL! I didn't DIE!" depending on which way the bi-polar express is traveling.

It was culling season on every sacred cow that had to go for me this year. As I look around at folks around me, I see I'm not the only one bemoaning this fate. We took a collective TKO. At least we have each other, unless, like me you held your others in an orbit of misspent loyalty. Consequently, I've had plenty of quality alone time to explore how the word "clarity" played out for me this year.

It started with my attempt at asking more direct questions. As I stated last summer, this is something I've been called up for before. I realize that it is hard to work with people who assume a lot. There needs to be clear communication. Who knew that asking a direct question like, "Why do you think this is?" would be interpreted as a loaded question implying a test or a taunt, like, "Why do you think THIS is?" and received in an accusing manner? Not being very versed in direct questioning I, of course, did not catch on to the misunderstanding and made matters worse by asking even more questions. Enter the dragon.

I was so dumbstruck by the crumbling wall of rage over my most sincere attempt at creating closeness that I didn't even post a spring equinox post on my word of the year. Being told to shut up was not without it's merit, however. I can be a self absorbed bore. I had never REALLY realized how trying I was on people and that I was being "tolerated". In other words I was forced into a real clear glimpse of how others perceived me without my personal warp on the view. I was totally humiliated and hurt.

I am told that the word humiliated is rooted in the Latin "low to the ground". So in a sense I was knocked off my high horse and into the reality of what others are looking at, when they look at me. I have a penchant for high horses because this has happened a lot to me over the course of my life and because this is not the first time, I began to ask myself a few direct questions. Questions like: "What the hell have I done that is so God Damn bad that I have to take this heat?" and "Why am I not laying into other people for being intolerable, insensitive, selfish bores, and rude dogs themselves?" I came up with a few answers. For most of my life I believed that I deserved and should be knocked down periodically and, the hardest part in understanding that is the second level of this epiphany: I structure my most vital relationships on the precept that I don't deserve support. The heartbreaking part about comprehending the structure of this dynamic is realizing that I can no longer be truly close to those who have played the important role of having to put me down. They are my family, they are my friends and co-workers, they are my beloveds...they also would not know the first thing about being supportive of me or my journey in any endeavor I should choose. Our relationships were never designed with that construct being of value. I didn't value myself enough to build it. Who's to say they would not have come right along had I done so? Actually, I belong on the high horse and what's more I am entitled to as much respect as I can muster for others. That is why I keep climbing back on the nag and trying to develop compassion in my relationships. For the life of me, all my life I thought I climbed back on because I was stupid.

There were three subjects that stand out for me relating to the word "clarity" this year. The personal level (as I have described above), the communal reality and what I have noticed over the year in the world regarding transparency. My next post will be about my community.

Picture by Mary Frank, 2008, 11th Grade, 1st Place winner of Mother of Divine Grace School Art Show.

Saul Friedman and Small Miracles

2010-12-26T14:12:00.000-08:00

It is not often that one gets to read the eloquent and poignant musings of a man reflecting on life from the delicate edge of his own mortality. I was quite moved as I read the last column of Saul Friedman a journalist and writer of renown who I had only known as a contributor to a blog the I frequent, Time Goes By.

In his writings he explained and shared has vast knowledge of history and politics in such an accessible, lucid and animated way that even I, an impassioned evader of all things political could understand. It was a miracle to me that he got my attention on such matters at all, let alone taught me anything. In this particular column that I have linked to below there is an intensity that is so subtle it can only be truly grasped in it's poignancy by his passing just days after it was posted. Saul passed away December 24th.

I hope you will join me in taking a moment to read Saul's reflections. It has been a better world for his presence in it and I am a better citizen of the world for his sharing. Thank you, Saul Friedman.

Saul Friedman

Small Miracles

"...Life, illness, happiness, good fortune and bad, even good and bad presidents (I have covered) are all part of what the 11th Century Persian poet Omar Khayyam had in mind when he wrote, “Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” And,

That inverted bowl they call the sky,
Where under crawling, cooped we live and die.
Lift not your hands to it for help,
For it impotently moves as you or I." ...

...an excerpt from his December 18th column "Grey Matters", entitled Small Miracles. I encourage you to take a moment in this season of miracles to reflect on Saul Friedman, what he wrote there and what it means to live a full life of heart and soul. I know I will be taking strength from his example.

I Know...Like No One on the Street Knows this Already ...

2010-12-05T14:32:00.000-08:00

...but it is so rarely put so eloquently by a legislator. Sadly, no one but people on the internet listened. I did and because he "rocks my world" he gets a blog post, damnit! Maybe one of my yet unborn relatives will see it one day and be able to take some pride in their history...

Senator Bernie Sanders cuts to the chase:

Thank you, Senator Sanders. Long may you run!

Kudos to MoxNewsDotCom for posting this.

Rise and Shine ~ Shane Koyczan

2010-12-03T12:15:00.000-08:00

"..if you are playing to win the first thing you have to do is apply within..."

Shane Koyczan

I had planned on posting this in September for the Hallmark Holiday Grandparent's Day. I was swept up in the drama of economic pillage at the time and I forgot.

I have had to listen to my inner parent before and I've picked up and rescued my inner child. Here I am now, seeking out what is wise, my inner Grandmother. I really need to hear what she has to say today. Hallmark be damned...here is "Shane Koyczan's Grandma's Got it Going On". Perhaps you need a dose of rise and shine, too....

Here's the Grandma I strive to be...the one anyone would want in their corner...the one I want to talk to...

A truly gifted poet. Enjoy Shane Koyczan. Buy his books; buy his audio; keep him going so we can enjoy his work for years to come.
More information and videos here.

Thanks to Qwertylust for posting this video for us all to enjoy.

Tuesday, November 30 - 1.800.998.0180

2010-11-28T06:00:00.000-08:00

It seems almost contrary to tangle in politics so soon after the Thanksgiving Holiday and prior to Winter Celebrations but you should at least be aware that there is some profound decision making going down in Washington on December 1st that is sure to affect the lives of every family gathering from here till the there's no more money for Jesse's education. (Are you still with me those stressing infant care at this minute?).

There are some folks working tirelessly for the greater good of families and they have set up an expedited system to trunk calls to our Congressional Representatives on this issue on November 30th. I will tell you up front that I am self-serving in this effort. I'm newly unemployed and becoming a religious woman with the incessant calling upon the poor man's insurance: a guardian Angel in constant vigil for my welfare. At some point, she is going to be otherwise occupied. You should know, however, that this is also a case of trying to get people to understand that these programs are self sufficient and have until now been spared the assault of an unbalanced economy. Policy makers are looking at tampering with a bottom line that is part of the foundation of everyone's family: what to do with Grandma and Grandpa.

You want Nana in all of your business? REALLY? It may be cute to see Alan Arkin snorting heroine in the bath room in a movie like "Little Miss Sunshine" but imagine, if you will, the proclivities of your elders playing out in your living room while you are trying to carve out a sane lifestyle for yourselves and your kids. I don't mean to scare you but these are the questions that a person needs to get real about as this legislation is being decided. I am asking you here to consider not only the integrity of independence for the elderly but also to protect the choices you have in how you can be a family. Removing or tampering with Social Security and Medicare is going to rearrange how families relate and remove options for everyone. What is the payoff for government in all of this? They get to gamble away all that here-to-for protected money that they can invest. Not all money should be invested by people who have no real consequence for their actions. Let them play with what they have already bet, lost and won back and leave off protected funds that allow for compassion in this country.

November 30 is the day before President Obama's deficit commission issues its final report – that's the one chaired by Alan Simpson and Erskine Bowles - so, as the NCPSSM notes, it is a toll-free Legislative Hotline for National Call Congress Day on November 30 that will connect you directly with your congressional representatives. Should email be more your style: go here.

Ronni Bennett writes:

“...perfect opportunity to let your representatives in Washington know that cutting Social Security and Medicare benefits is a one-way ticket to economic and political ruin.”
To help us do that, the NCPSSM is setting up a toll-free Legislative Hotline for National Call Congress Day on November 30 that will connect you directly with your congressional representatives:
1.800.998.0180

Save that number for next Tuesday and there is plenty of time for you to pass the word on your own blogs and telephone other friends and relatives too. Don't forget the younger ones – they are the people who would be most adversely affected by cuts in these programs.

I urge you to do this. I know from conversations with aides to Senator Harry Reid that all phone calls to representatives and senators are tracked and counted so the more of us who telephone on Tuesday, the greater the impact.

So there you have it. If you have questions regarding how Social Security works in a succinct form, please take a moment to read Saul Friedman's Social Security the Anti-Ponzi Scheme. I thank you in advance for even considering participating and letting Washington know that this is not an issue that will be ignored politically, as they hope. Please make that call or email and request that they leave off programs that work well in this country and focus on something that sucks - like ending war, supporting sustainable industry and taking fiscal responsibility.

PS: If you would like to email your senator and need a template, contact me via email from this blog. I will be glad to send you a copy of the letter I wrote to my Legislators to use as a guide.

Seattle! Krista Detor & Arbutus Cunningham! OMG!!!

2010-11-27T06:00:00.000-08:00

I have a treat for you folks who are in the Seattle area. There is an opportunity for you to catch one of the finer performers on the Independent Artist circuit as she is lighting here for a house concert (maybe two...the two depends on you).

The artist I am referring to is Krista Detor. Not only is Krista going to be here but she's packing the additional artistic heat of the great storyteller and writer, Arbutus Cunningham. I urge you to witness the "Icarus" video below of the two of them to get some idea of the kind of magic they weave together. I think, to say that you will not be disappointed in this concert would be an unhealthy understatement.

If you are interested in attending, there are logistics. Nothing of particular tastiness in this world is not without some kind of attention or winding road of anticipation and this is no exception. Currently the situation is that this is a house concert at the residence of Bill Lippe in the Capitol Hill area of Seattle and he is trying to fill two dates for Krista's concert. Currently he has enough audience for one concert on Saturday night at 8PM, December 11th but he may be able to accommodate two concerts adding Sunday 6PM should the interest justify it. From Bill Lippe:

"...show on Saturday with possibility of second show on Sunday. People can email me at house.concerts@comcast.net to let me know - only Saturday, only Sunday, either day..."

All of this is, understandably, time sensitive as Krista continues her tour into Alaska and travel reservations need to be made. A decision and contact with Bill must be made quickly. If you have trouble contacting Bill, please contact me and we will get you connected. I am really looking forward to attending this concert myself. I hope to see you there, too.

And Arbutus Cunningham

Even if you cannot attend the show in Seattle, I urge you to enjoy these videos and track the touring schedule of Krista Detor. Do not miss her.

What is Thanksgiving FOR? Herding Cats.

2010-11-25T10:35:00.000-08:00

I am home alone with the internet this Thanksgiving and I was reading Marcia Mayo's marvelous story of her Thanksgiving with her relatives and her attempt to record family history, Don't Move Pat. He Got Run Over by a Fire Truck.. She relates this story at in the Elder Storytelling Place an off-shoot of Time Goes By blog. It occurred to me that I want to share her story and perhaps make a suggestion how one might get the most out of this Holiday.

Admirably, Marcia hound-dogged her elder relatives to try and get them to talk; tell the stories; relate the anecdotes that become lost and confused and that, often, sadly die with the inevitable death of those who were present. It reads with the joy of watching someone trying to herd cats because, I think, for the most part elders have been disparaged from telling their stories and are out of practice in feeling welcome to do so. Still, I think she is really on to something.

I spent a good deal of time culling information from my Mother when I was in therapy in the 80's. I would ply her with copiuos amounts of brandy [her Achilles heel] and she'd let 'er rip. Sometimes she told me appalling things that I could use to solicit truly unwarranted sympathy from my women friends who were also suffering under the oppression of our twisted childhoods. Blah, Blah, Blah... (Is it any wonder a Mother does not want to speak up?) My intention was not honorable, I realize now, but what I did get was some really interesting information regarding the perspectives of women born in the early part of the twentieth century. I only wish I had recorded those sessions as I think I would hear much more in them now than I was able to understand at the time. Plus, of course, I would also have the comfort of my Mother's a voice...a voice silenced in passing a few years now...

Marcia also reminds us that November 26th is the "National Day of Listening". It strikes me that if Thanksgiving weekend is good for anything when one is emerged in family happily or otherwise, it might be a generous consideration to capture as one can what Aunt Mabel or Dad has to say about what they remember and how they remember it. The magic of this trick is to allow "in their own words", I think.

I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving and that you can enjoy the moment and solicit something of value from your family history to make you smile and fuel you through your own journey...and deeper into your own story.

Its a Beautiful Day in the Interwebs

2010-11-22T13:50:00.000-08:00

I've had the song White Bird by Its a Beautiful Day fluttering around like a dazed moth in my mind for the last few weeks. Finally, today I dipped into the cyberwaters with my interwebs and pulled out this YouTube video. Watch it in HD. It has some interesting historical footage. As I watched it I thought of that old adage: The more things change, the more they stay the same. Indeed, the art seems to be the only by-product of modern conflict with any evolution to it. It makes me wonder what kind of art would be the spawn of intense civil debate, passionate conflicts of ideas that lead to greater understanding? I mean in lieu of senseless killing, political posturing and flagrant plunder. Just wondering.....

Thank you to Aurora1957A for the video.

Out of Work? Get in the Bread Line....

2010-11-19T17:46:00.000-08:00

I am sharing this trailer [below] from Time Goes By. A blog and excellent resource for all things useful one might be interested in as they journey "'around the bend" into the the winter of their lives. The blog tag line is actually, "What it's really like to get older" and I have found many times a sanctuary there in trying to get a grip on my process of aging. The particular blogs post that I am responding to today deals with the flood of elders being laid off prematurely from the workplace. I am not exactly an "elder", per se. I have come to understand (mostly through the shared stories on this site) that I am quite a youngster at 57 compared to the many who have actually earned that title. Elders are, contrary to popular thought, contributing mightily to communities and businesses all across this nation. Many are losing their jobs.

The trailer is from the site, Over 50 and Out of Work. They explain:

"OVER 50 AND OUT OF WORK is an ongoing multimedia project that documents the stories and the impact of the Great Recession on jobless Americans, 50 and older...Our broader, long-term mission is to help people who are OVER 50 AND OUT OF WORK get back into the labor force by improving the cultural perception of older workers and by influencing public policy changes that will make it easier for them to find re-employment."

I have been watching the interviews posted at the site intermittently today. I have to screw up my courage with each viewing because I realize the level of poo I am in in my own recent layoff. I hear some of myself within the voice of each person's story. Not that I have any intention of finding myself in a situation like I experienced at my last placement - it seems that many enjoyed their work so much that they want to go right back into the same type of work - but the mountain of lost resources is clearly reflected in the voices of these very capable and intelligent folks who have dedicated their lives to working with integrity and skill. The seriousness of the situation is related through the very real fears they live with daily in trying to keep their losses to a minimum while still trying to validate their worth.

I've been on a hiring committee or two in my time and I know how much unexpressed prejudice exists in the decision making process. One wonders, "Why is this 65 year old person even looking for work? How can they possibly think they have anything to offer here? Are they delusional?" None of this is ever expressed or addressed, of course, but it is thought. Is it true? Well, yes and no.

The delusion is not in the self worth of the applicant and their abilities but in the perceived worth by the those hiring (many of whom, I noticed are themselves in their 60s, by the way). No one wants the elder worker. A younger candidate would blanch at the hurdles an older applicant faces in an interview. And face it they do, all the while struggling with feeling thrown out and not worthy of employment. They stay the course, while constantly fighting to stop second guessing every financial choice they made over the last 30 years so they can keep their chin up long enough to keep trying to find enough money to survive. I am thinking that the problem is actually seeded in an overall misunderstanding of the worth that elders give to a workplace. You need only replace the word 65 year old person* from the quote above with the word "woman" or the word "colored" to realize the level of prejudice that is at work here. Now imagine your world today without the diversity we have all come to enjoy with breaking the barriers of color and gender. The value of the elder worker is the most overlooked and under appreciated resource America has.

The other part of this conversation that needs to be addressed by young and old alike is how do we live large with less. Few people know how to do this better than the older population in this country with our experience in lean times and with what we have learned from our elders over time. None of this important dialogue can be effectively discussed with out the value of the aged American being recognized and included.

Outrageous indignation aside, currently it is a shit storm out there folks! What has happened to us that we do not understand the value of experience? Do we think that experience equals a sacrifice of edginess or sex appeal? Do we really want to put all of our American products and resources into superficial charm designed for immediate gratification? Apparently so because that is exactly what is happening by not including the diversity of an older and more experienced voice into the conversations regarding leading, making policy and governing. This is where elders are needed most and obviously appreciated least. I am sad for those of us who have for a multitude of reasons been squeezed out of opportunities by circumstances only to have to face what is really nothing more than a really, really bad reaction to stereotypes. What is more, I am sad for this country that we can't seem to understand that the way out of this recession is with the slow, steady hard work of the people who have walked the walk, have the actual experience and can grasp the depth and the vision simultaneously.

How old are you and are you brave enough to get older? I mean seriously...you had better be honest with your answer now or face the piper later...because it is ALL about, "there but for the Grace of God", Just sayin'...

I hope you will take the time to watch the trailer here and go to the Over 50 and Out of Work site and watch the individual interviews.

Over 50 and Out of Work Trailer from Over Fifty and Out of Work on Vimeo.

* a trick I learned from Ronni Bennett from TGB in ferreting out intention within language.

Bellingham, Washington - A Local Living Economy

2010-11-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

When faced with a new winter holiday and all that it entails, the involvement can be somewhat overwhelming. It produces a situation where it is easy to become seduced into standing in a line a checkout counter staring into a basket of desperate purchases designed to allow a person to save face at a gift exchange gathering. Most of us annually press on past that trough of despair, whip out a credit card and resign ourselves to falling in line like a lamb to the slaughter. Seriously, this is not an uncommon train of thought...

I'm here to offer an unscheduled rail stop for that trip to nowhere fast and allow you to consider an alternative. If shopping could change the world would you do it? Would you shop differently if you could allow yourself even 3 or 4 items not bought at a chain? If you think that something that small could never make any difference, watch this video and think again.

One Year Old TODAY!

2010-11-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

My Granddaughter, Madeline Kaiya is one year old today, November 15th! She is bright; she is healthy; she's my girl...

In my first term as Nana I have commandeered for myself the NANA CAM (an object this child will come to dread over time, no doubt). Still... I intend on using it!

Please join me in wishing this small human a Happy Birthday with Many, MANY Happy Returns!

NANA CAM - No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed! from Cile Stanbrough on Vimeo.

{Kiss! Kiss! Baby Girl Nana loves you!!}

I Remember that Night in September...

2010-11-10T10:58:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine had asked me to put up some posters for a band she was promoting in September. I was glad to comply. I could get in for free, said she. All the better, thought I.

It had been a tough week and I felt had been in a very bad automobile accident. The kind where a movable force meets an immovable object. I had just been given notice that my position at work had been dissolved. I was in shock, really, as I was never suspecting such a thing. Interesting word, "never". The full thrust of the reality of it had not taken seed in me. I didn't even fully understand why I went out that night. I don't go out a lot and my rational mind pined for being curled up in fetal position somewhere in the recesses of home.

I was standing at the bar, feeling pretty low and confused. I ordered a glass of wine. As I stood there a young woman with an angelic grin stepped up to the bar. She smiled at me and I noticed that she held stack of CDs and a felt pen. I figured she was with the band. I fell short in that conversation, as I recall...I usually do as I'm not good at social situations but I was captivated by her accessibility and the kindness that she exuded.

The reason I recall my first encounter with the violinist of Elephant Revival, Bridget Law, so vividly is because of how moved I was by the whole experience of their music throughout the evening. I can't think of a more gracious entry into a new phase of my life than with the serenade of these artists. It is like medicine for the soul to be witness to people of such a great love of music, compassion and generous spirit. That night, I felt it a great gift to find myself placed in the path of this band particularly at this juncture. Their music moved me deeply. I was comforted in my confusion and loss and left hopeful and inspired to perceive my situation for the true opportunity that it could be. All of this is well beyond the grasp of my own imagination, to be sure, but what a joy to be alive and to know that there is something as good in the world as Elephant Revival...I will never forget them nor the deep comfort of their spirit that I received that night through their song.

Here is a video that serves the spirit of this band admirably. I watch it and I'm reminded once more what a beautiful world this can be. I listen to their music and I am somehow better for it.

Elephant Revival from Kevin Heinz on Vimeo.

To get a taste of grace, enjoy a free download here.

Thank you Kevin Heinz for the outstanding video.

Money Won't

2010-11-08T11:42:00.000-08:00

I am definitely moving into a new aspect of my life in leaving off what I've done all my life as my work. Of course, being unemployed begs a stream of money worries and preparation for possible loss. I keep a song in my heart. One step at a time.

Thanks to young Mister Brendon MacFarlane for this beautiful video.

Look Who is Voting While You Choose Not To

2010-10-25T09:19:00.000-07:00

SHE'S VOTING!

THEY ARE VOTING!

This is not a good time to pass on politics, should that be an inclination for you this week. What happens in the coming weeks will cast either a light or a giant shadow across all the choices to made in the future. Stay informed; stay the course for change and a better world for yourselves and those you hold near and dear to your heart.

Meet the Canary

2010-10-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

In all of the hub bub and commotion of my life of late I have fallen behind in my reading; both on-line and off. So it was that I began trying to catch up with some of my favorite writers on contemporary thought this weekend. That is how I found this interesting blog post by David Byrne who consistently maintains an enlightening perspective .

I want to post the link to this post because it reminded me to continue my thoughts from my own post regarding a war based economy, the subsequent fallout and, correspondingly, the unique opportunity we have at this time as a community to rebuild a productive and compassion based economy. The pictures Byrne posts of his bike ride around Detroit are absolutely alarming . They knocked ME out! I had no idea that the economy had essentially done as much damage to Detroit as the breaching of the levies in New Orleans! He also offers a comprehensive history of the city's reaction to the rise and fall of the automotive industry. It is a great read.

I was stunned and I wonder if this is not proverbial canary in the coal mine that I refer to in the title of this post. One of the most outstanding revelations for me in contemplating this is realizing that the combustible engine and its corresponding machinery manufacturing has deteriorated to the point of completely gutting once vibrant communities. Will his kind of decay permeate all communities that do not step up responsibly? Once vibrant cities built entirely outside of an understanding of the word that has become so much a part of our vocabulary these days: sustainability.

Manufacturing sustainable goods and a renewed focus on personal responsibility of consummation of goods (what we buy and how it is packaged) is not a revelation in thought. It has been growing since it was seeded in our minds in the 60s. It has always been a sort of delineating fashion statement, however, prior to the collapse of this current state of the economy. Now, when I see these pictures, I realize it is a matter of survival to bring ourselves up to speed and pony up to taking some responsibility. I also see a unique opportunity to heal through renewed perception and enthusiastic enterprise.

Perhaps it will take more than images like Byrne has posted and the unspoken heartache that is behind them to bring us all up to speed. Perhaps one day we will be required to follow our trash can from it's old deposit at the curb, all the way to it's struggle to not decompose before we understand that an oil based economy and all of it's by-products (including war) are and have created more suffering that we can comprehend or humanly endure. The alternatives are all available and ready for us to start but for our willingness to recognize and utilize them.

The choices are ours and we make them every day. It is more expensive up front, it is uncomfortable and rousts us from our comfort zones... and it is the correct thing to do. The correct thing to do always brings with it the hope of prosperity, happiness and personal satisfaction even in its difficultly. The fight to maintain the status quo will leave us to sit in our own dirt. It will take as long as it takes; devil take the hindmost.

Don't give up hope, please vote for policies that challenge the status quo and give an alternative economy a chance to take root and grow.

Thank you to Dennis Nyback for the photo of the Grand Riviera Parking Garage and the protest picture via Randy Fullerton by, Mike Rankert

I'm Gonna Go Get My Weary Bones Saved

2010-10-08T21:15:00.000-07:00

Antje Duveko t, singer/songwriter, chanteuse extraordinaire announces that she has been writing songs again. No better news can be heard across the land. If you are not familiar with Antje's music please let me introduce you. You will never regret the introduction, I promise you.

Go to her website. Listen to her music. Get on her mailing list to make sure you do not miss her when she performs near you.

I find her so talented that I made my first grandchild be born on her birthday...Ok, well...I had nothing to do with that but I am thrilled none the less. It was: "Oh GOD!! I'm a Grandmother and my little angel shares a birthday with Antje Duvekot! Holy Cow!!" True story.

I trust you will be charmed and her music just might become part of your personal soundtrack as it is mine.

Your welcome.

Hitchhiker

2010-09-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

I am on the cusp of being unemployed with my position being eliminated due to budget cuts. Consequently, I'm up at 4 AM this morning . I'm 57 - not old enough to retire - not young enough to hire. I'm not marketable. That is the fact of it. What I bring to the work place of skill, enhancements and vision are not recognized as valuable by current standards. In the bleary predawn I was trying to amuse myself after a restless night by scrolling through songs. I spent some time watching Johnny Cash videos, seeing as how that is the only cash I can spend right now. I then moved into songs about the heart of the matter: work and the economy...

For a long time I have been thinking in terms of the last twenty years when I think of America's dependence on oil and an inflated economy but as I looked at this video I realized that our dependence is really embedded deeper within the American psyche and it goes back farther than that. It actually seems to reside on the level of myth for those of us born into the automobile culture.

Given that the oil industry provided the groundwork for the American economy for so very, very long, it stands to reason it will take some time and creativity to realign the structure of the economy on a new foundation. With all the pressure for social reform, tea parties, posturing, posing and denial it seems I am part of a collective group of people who have driven the combustible engine to the end of the line and we just can't stand it. Right and left both seem apoplectic over how they have been "wronged" by each other. I contend that the arguments are somewhat distracting from what has really happened to us all. The gas guage is empty and we have run out of road.

Just as sure as I have skittered along as a wage slave all of my life on the high tide of other people's wealth, taken my directives as a worker bee and carved out my niche of happiness, so have I reached the end of my working day as I have known it. Nobody took me where I didn't want to go and the same goes for my post-war baby clan because on some level, we flow together and we are identified as a group. We are the aging; we contributed ; we deserve respect for that because our work added to the greater good. We will never be young again and...I must say it, though it raises the shackles of my friends who design their very lives around raging against the tide of age, "I'm sorry, but young is NOT better than old; it is other than old".

When it comes to speed and efficiency in the workplace, we are not young and uncomplicated. We bring the depth of experience into the bigger picture. In most work environs, the older worker spells problems and without an understanding of the need for depth and value in the work environment, we become parodies of ourselves and a farce in the workplace. We are living history and history has a vital and rewarding place in all aspects of society. Not recognizing this fact is not only ageist (and a financial bonanza in the pharmaceutical and cosmetic field), but it is detrimental to the greater good of any organization or nation. Elders are in jobs or needing work to make ends meet. Some of the ends are not going to meet because, frankly, some people just don't "get" it. Sadly, some of the worst offenders are the old themselves who are so afraid of their own reflection that they can't stop staring at their wrinkles long enough to recognize the strength staring back at them.

Clearly these are hard times for everyone but if we do not allow ourselves to be overwhelmed and defeated over the loss of what was by busying ourselves with criticizing and commiserating over bits and pieces of our lost youth and arguing over our entitlements, we may just find the things that are possible and have enough strength left over to help develop positive changes. I see this economic stop as a chance to build something not born of war or built on greed, self interest and suffering. Anyway, this is my strategy for the time between now and my next mortgage payment. ( I hear a Greek chorus in the chambers of my mind chanting, "Good luck with that.")

This flashback of Lucas' film "American Graffiti" as it is edited into this song inspired these thoughts in me. The combustible engine gave us a tremendous lift, didn't it? Look where it took us all! Some made piles of dough that they spent right away on novelties or adventures. Some made a haul that they saved and lost in the stock market by trusting people who were greedy and disguised themselves as the status quo. Some made the money and invested it in a better future for others. Some made so much they did all three and then some! I think it is time to park it and take honest stock in what we think is our entitlement here. It seems to me, if we did not enjoy the ride we were given when we were given it, we should check our complaining at the door. Whether we get paid for it or not, there is elder work to be done.

Thanks to AK47bandit for the "Get a Job" video

Ball of Confusion (thats what the world is today)

2010-09-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

I'm in the third quarter of my word of the year Clarity with the autumnal equinox today. In moving along with this, I've learned a bit about the world and myself and this word, I must say. I'm not the sharpest tool in the box but I think I have a moment or two of inspiration that allows me an egress into an occasional area of something close to validity and value. I am posting this video to maybe give some idea of the kinds of situations I have been trying to clarify for myself. This has been one hell of a week for me, defining clarity has been a harsh mistress this year and it all rests on the close of one hell of a decade. I found this video with the help of those noted below and it just says it all. The lyrics are included below. The fact that the song was a hit single in 30 years ago makes me wonder how we could all be so incomprehensibly dense. So it goes. Anyway...

Here's to living in interesting times.

Everybody DANCE!

People movin' out
People movin' in
Why, because of the color of their skin
Run, run, run, but you sho' can't hide
An eye for an eye
A tooth for a tooth
Vote for me, and I'll set you free
Rap on brother, rap on
Well, the only person talkin'
'Bout love thy brother is the preacher
And it seems,
Nobody is interested in learnin'
But the teacher
Segregation, determination, demonstration,
Integration, aggravation,
Humiliation, obligation to our nation
Ball of Confusion
That's what the world is today

The sale of pills are at an all time high
Young folks walk around with
Their heads in the sky
Cities aflame in the summer time
And, the beat goes on

Air pollution, revolution, gun control,
Sound of soul
Shootin' rockets to the moon
Kids growin' up too soon
Politicians say more taxes will
Solve everything
And the band played on
So round 'n' round 'n' round we go
Where the world's headed, nobody knows
Just a Ball of Confusion
Oh yea, that's what the world is today

Fear in the air, tension everywhere
Unemployment rising fast,
The Beatles' new record's a gas
And the only safe place to live is
On an indian reservation
And the band played on
Eve of destruction, tax deduction
City inspectors, bill collectors
Mod clothes in demand,
Population out of hand
Suicide, too many bills, hippies movin'
To the hills
People all over the world, are shoutin'
End the war
And the band played on

Clarity, vision and transparency are words that I have heard tossed around relentlessly over the past year. From a distance is it so much easier to spot the very large problems. Up close we are so myopic it is nearly impossible to even figure out who to ally oneself with when the suffering becomes commonplace. Sometimes there is no way for one person to stop a poorly constructed concept from gaining momentum, however, one less feast for the beast might gain the one day necessary for the recovery of the what is progressive and positive. As long as there is time; there is hope. I've isolated the bad guy in myself and I will have my hands full with that. In the end, sometimes walkin' the talk means walkin' away when the bottom line is moved too far to accommodate in good conscience.

Thanks to Citizen K and Just a Song blogs for helping me find this video by terris1958

The Elephant in the Room

2010-09-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

This isn't a post about events at work as might be suggested by the title. This is a post about how I was invited to explore the music of a band who is going to be playing at he the Wild Buffalo in Bellingham WA at 9:45 pm on Thursday, September 16th . There is promotional work to be done; there are posters to hang; there is word to get out. So it was that I found myself up to my earlobes this weekend in the music of Elephant Revival.

I first heard the Elephant Revival on Sue DuMond's Gleanings Lopez Island radio show that is streamed through KLOI on Tuesday evenings and I asked her about them. She waxed poetic about the band and then someone yelled "Squirrel!" and I was off on to the next thing...until this weekend.

Elephant Revival hail from Colorado. I've never been to Colorado. I think DeVotchKa likes it there so it must be fabulous and everything DeVotchKa does makes me a little light headed. What is beautiful about Elephant Revival is not the Colorado Rockies, though I DO hear a hint of that country Rocky Mountain High whispering through the pines on a few tunes. It would be understating what I've been hearing in their music to isolate their sound by a location as there is some sweet layering of musicianship and genres at work. Here is a taste of what I have been spending the weekend enjoying:

The press says that Elephant Revival transcends folk. I have not heard enough of a panoply their work at this juncture to say but I do hear Celtic, country, folk, bluegrass and a touch of tribal melding into their sound. I look forward to being able to define this clearer after seeing them play live. Of course, they have violin and I've a weakness for this instrument. My name is Cile (no last names please) and I love me some fiddle, God help me. The fiddle player, Bridget Law, in this band is wunderbar and when added to the rest of the pachyderm, well...there is something lovely at work whether you call it transcendent or not!

An elephant is like a rope; an elephant is like a wall; an elephant is like a fan; an elephant is like a pillar...on and on it goes. This Elephant Revival will be like whatever will touch us in time and space and they invite us to listen. We may even transcend to being able to recognize the elephant in the room.

See you at the show.

video credit: mystic111mike
photo credit: Anne Stavely

Hamell on Trial in the Great White North

2010-09-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

It was the perfect night to celebrate Nancy and Jim La Hatt's 40 year anniversary with Hamell on Trial at the Green Frog Acoustic Tavern in Bellingham, WA. I hope my elder readers enjoy this video as an example of what was enjoyed last night. It seemed appropriate for the occasion...

I have to envy this person hosting such a talent in their living room. House concerts are indeed the saving grace of many musicians who choose not to perform as trained circus acts supported by sponsors.

Ed Hamell is headed to Anchorage so I want to post this for my Alaska chums (the pals and music enthusiasts - not the fish) in case they are knocking around Anchorage or Palmer in search of the real deal this weekend [Saturday, September 11th and Sunday the 12th]. Check out his website, keep an eye on his touring schedule and enjoy him if you get the opportunity. I certainly had a great time. He's not for everyone but he may be more for Alaska than one might suspect!

Thanks Jim and Nancy for sticking it out and making marriage look so easy at your 40 year mark and thanks, Ed Hamell, for stopping in Bellingham. I hope your trial goes well in Anchortown and Palmer you don't get the hangin' judge.

Photo by Susan Alzner.

What Happened to Cile's Indy Day News?

2010-08-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

...thanks for asking.

I am not vested in my Christian upbringing. I think of myself more pagan. The 4th of July is close enough to the Summer Solstice that I feel it is a good time to reflect. The truth is there is less math with trying to remember four cycles of the earth around the sun, no rules regarding celebrations and less commercial interruption from what I consider to be the point. I can make it up. That is the appeal.

For a few years now one of the things I made up was sending out an annual Newsletter, Cile's Independence Day News to friends and family. Traditionally I would spend the 4th of July constructing the thing. It provided for me a way to sit back and assess my past year giving me a sense of continuity. I sent it out to people because I wanted to share. It was my thinking that I receive updates from friends whom I have been long separated by circumstance (usually at Christmas time) and that I enjoy hearing from them. When I received these updates, there was a sense of relief that I was still somewhere in the orbit of their lives. So it was that I began sending out the newsletter to friends and family. My first attempts at this were dreadful but I improved it. Sometimes I included a CD of music that found tight rotation for me on my MP3 player that year.

I stopped doing the newsletter this year. I stated in it last year that it was becoming cost prohibitive but that isn't the only reason. I truly enjoyed the putting together the publishing of it and the copying the CD and updating the addresses and writing the individual letters to everyone over the course of July. It felt like I was really active in the lives of those I often think about but rarely have time to follow through with tracking down. I trust they think about me in a favorable light. For that kind of fun, I could have found the dough. What happened is that the footprint became to big.

The BP oil spill this year really shocked me into realizing how disastrous ignoring the overuse of resources has become. There's the 60 sheets of high gloss 11" x 17" paper and the 2 sided printing with colored inks, the 60 CD's and their envelopes with printed information on them. Then there are the mailing envelopes, the stamps and the miles of travel and useage of fossil fuel to get the things where I send them. It is too much.

I've long since stopped buying out of season produce that flies all the way from places like New Zealand to my vegetable bin and opted to stave off until it is in season for my part of the world. Likewise I began to see my newsletter as a bit of overkill that required a reassessment. There are a lot more resources available to me electronically than ever before. Some of them I have been utilizing all along but I never insisted that my relatives and friends step up and visit me this way. It never really occurred to me to ask until I sat down at my computer on July 4th of this year.

Facebook was probably the tipping point for me. I began to use this social networking site in spades as my granddaughter was born and it has kept me close to my son and daughter-in-law and the progression of this family event in a way that is nothing short of miraculous. I went to visit this month and it was as if I just stepped out of the Facebook page. It seems to me this was because we have been communicating and sharing all along. I haven't even explored the telecommunication possibilities of applications like Skype and individual, specialized chat rooms! My point is there are alternatives.

The great sun giveth; the great sun taketh away. In this case I feel I've been given an opportunity to explore an alternative way of sharing which is fortunate. More often than not, valuable things just disappear without such an obvious replacement. My challenge is reconstructing my habit of the way I "used" to do it with a new way. The obvious alternative would be to post the newsletter as an electronic attachment. I opted out of doing it that way this year. It has taken me longer than I expected to get my bearings with the changes. It will take me some time to construct how I want to do it and I need a better understanding of why I do it at all. An annual assessment of what happens in a year in my life will always be necessary, however, I feel the strain of a crowded time-line stretching behind me already from not doing it this year.

So this is my explanation. A certain amount of people never even read the newsletter. I know they don't because they ask me questions that I already covered in detail in the newsletter! [I'm laughing] I liked to pretend everyone reads the the thing and listens to the music. Those times of dilution have passed, however, and if I can let go of a cumbersome yet satisfying enterprise for the sake of the greater good and make a change, those who are inclined, can catch up with things electronically as I try and bring a more consistent sharing on the interwebs.

Well, I feel certain that the sun knows I'm sincere when I say I can only love you all as much as I love my life and my life is loving you.

Subdued Stringband Jamboree ~ Year 10

2010-08-09T07:00:00.000-07:00

The blackberries are ripening and it is soon to be Subdued Stringband Jamboree time again. Fri-Sat, August 13th and 14th. I wait all year for this local festival. I love it. It is year 10 this year and the line up is stellar, as par. I've only been to the last 6 jams but it is such a thing with me now that if I could not go, well, I'd have to kill myself. There are about 15 other sacrifices before that one to make, so I think my life is relatively safe but you get my drift. Still, if you live around here you are crazy not to go. That's just all there is to it. It's 7 miles east of town, its inexpensive, its fun and its family oriented...did I mention it was FUN? These are some of the nicest musicians and music lovers to walk the planet and they converge here annually like it's a calling. The music they play goes all day. It also goes all night as people visit and jam at campfires situated across the log show grounds. You can come for a day to play or stay and revel in the merriment by camping. I camp and though I try and stay up all night, I end up falling asleep to live music and the soft sounds of people laughing and enjoying themselves. Then I begin snoring and everyone moves 50 feet from my tent so they can hear themselves sing.

If you don't live around here then, well...I know you all live in swell places but this weekend, I feel sorry for you... this weekend you are missing the most joyful noise in the greatest place on earth. You can ameliorate your loss by looking at this slide-show of last year's fun. If you are still irreparably unrequited and if you would like to look at prior years from THAT there are pictures of those years on the Flickr site too. (I thinking here that I have turned into one of those people I used to make fun of who would drag their friends through boring slide shows of their trip to Italy!) and if you still cannot brave the future without partaking of this musical extravaganza, make it a point to join me next year. It is the second weekend in August. I will take your picture.

Geezerville picture credit: Nancy LaHatt

Headed Where the Sun Don't Shine - Solstice part II

2010-06-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

The next incident involving my word of the year, clarity was regarding a nagging sense that there was a REASON that I am generally enigmatic with people. The truth is that for years it served me well. I needed people to keep their distance and nothing short of leaving off personal hygiene works quite as well as leaving out a ton of information and being a person of mystery. I took some rough tumbles in my youth and I was quite unprotected in the world. After a few scrapes in adolescence, I developed this as a way to be with people and not be with them, too. It worked enough to keep me alive, moving and able to avoid incarceration.

The tipping point in my stratagem came when I hit becoming chronically ill, consequently losing my established persona and simultaneously finding the internet. In learning to communicate on the internet in chat rooms I discovered that by screwing up a little courage, I could clearly be a bit more myself. This felt just as harrowing as any personal exchange at the time because I was invested in the friends that I made on line. I was fortunate in that the chat room that I found was full of friendly and gentle individuals with a common interest in music. I let my hair down a bit and began getting to know and liking this externalized version of myself. There was a corresponding change in my daily social skills with less censorship in expressing myself as my confidence grew over the last decade. The internet interest evolved into blogging which really tripped my game because I don't know how to fake or hold back anything it in writing. I just don't. Writing has been my personal sanctum through my entire gambit.

I've been keeping personal journals since the seventies and all I know about writing is putting down what I'm thinking about - whether it is of interest to anyone else or not. I'm extremely self obsessed and old enough now not to care if anyone gives a shit about it or not, frankly. I write in my blog and I'm as happy and as proud of myself as if I personally penned the Baghadavita. It's nice when people respond, of course, but I don't write intending to be popular. I don't write to make a point (well, sometimes I try...) Mostly I write to write and I DO want to feel a clarity flowing through my writing. I imagine someone reading it but I'm not invested in anyone doing so. I don't have any idea really why I bother to be clear, however. I mean, look at how I draw!

I'm perfectly happy with the abstraction of my pen and ink drawings. Each one of those lines resonates and means something different to me on any given day that I look at it. Still, there is no "clarity" about it except in the execution of the lines black on white and what I might title it. This one is Crustacean, 2000. It's about a walk on the beach at the turn of the century. An end of a 2 millennium trek where there are beings in exoskeletons who have been feeding off the dead. Well, it is clear to me.

In closing, it is Summer Solstice. All I understand at this point about clarity is how a lack of it has served me well and the development of it over the last decade has revealed a person I like but I'm not too familiar with. It also seem that I have turned into a person other people find a bit suspect, if I'm reading reactions correctly. So it goes that I have possibly nurtured and cultivated a lifestyle that includes people who cannot possibly understand or care what I'm talking about. I need to either take the time to learn their language or choose to actively cultivate my own. Actually, I don't know what to do. It remains to be seen what the waning light will reveal. If I can remain standing, I'll watch the shadow grow and when the time is right, I'll write the time.

Jeezus Don't Want Me For a Sunbeam - Summer Solstice, Part I

2010-06-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

I've been giving considerable thought this last month to my word of the year. I'm at the six month Summer Solstice with that. My word this year is clarity. The original post is here.

Picking a word of the year is a bit like spitting into the wind. Not only do you have to be somewhat stupid but you have to be game for getting a bit wet. All you really have to do in any life for answers is position yourself clearly within the posing of the question and develop an eye for some sort of response...sort of like MacGyver. A spiritual quest is not half as difficult as it is made out to be. It is only hard because few people REALLY want to know much of anything beyond what they already know. The concept of mission is intriguing and perceiving oneself as inquiring is admirable. However, when the answer to the question shows up, nine times out of ten, it is not welcome or it is recognized as someone ELSE'S answer. I know this because nine times out of ten, it has been that way for me. The universe seems to love a spirited question on the whole...or so I've discovered.

**********************************

I was annoyed with a student a few weeks ago. He wasn't doing his job. He usually does his job gingerly but he was spending the last few weeks being seriously distracted - like for HOURS. I'm no longer a supervisor but I have to co-work with students so a little prodding is in order when things begin to fall apart on my watch. I arched an eyebrow made a small joke to bring the subject of tasking to the forefront of the conversation and then indicated non-verbally that there was an expectation by a nod in the direction of said neglected job. At this point the student began toying with me a bit. He and I both knew what I was referring to and he seemed to take umbrage over being 'bossed'. My lack of clarity became a game to him. I thought I was being respectful by not saying "OK enough. Get up and do your job, Buckwheat". He retaliated by dissing me. I got angry and snapped at him and we both basked a steely silence until it was time for him to leave.

Like I said, I'm no longer supervising students so I needed to bring in a third party on this annoying scenario. The student's supervisor (who is also MY supervisor) when I laid out what had happened, asked me what I wanted. I said I want him to talk to the student and I wanted all three of us to talk after that because I needed to kiss and make up with my student co-worker to close the issue. This took my supervisor out of his comfort zone, clearly, but he was admirably heroic and acquiesced . The student was talked to and we all three met and I promised not to mince words, emotionally negotiate and give hints (to be clear) and he admitted he was being stubborn about doing his job. Everyone owned up. As a bonus, I got to tell the student how much I liked him with his boss as a witness and things went swimmingly on their way sans long drawn out resentments to the end of the quarter. Transparency at work is a bit like having meetings with all members naked and dressed only in saran wrap. Not exactly a welcome assemblage for the feint of heart but it sure evens the playing field in a hurry.

The reason I bring this up is that the incident booted up the clarity issue. I enjoy straight forward people as long as they are not mean and unwilling to be open minded. What I do not like is other people not being able to understand my meaning but assuming they do. This incident made me realize that being clear, when it involves communicating with others sometimes requires more than one shot - even when the first shot is near perfect. Now I realize that I was clear enough, however, what I have to say seems to scare people; how I say it (often candidly) is considered off color or unprofessional; and the ones that are not put off or reacting unfavorably to what I say or do require some kind of translation from me and, for my part, I rarely remember that. I speak social as a second language and, it seems, miss a lot of the conversation going on around me. I have probably placed myself in a totally erroneous environment for personal growth in this way, it occurs to me just now...but I have what I work with and I work with what I have. Amen.

...more on clarity in part II.

Cr Avery ~ Quakin' not Slurred

2010-06-11T16:20:00.000-07:00

For some reason my local berg has been host to artist CR Avery on a lunar cycle of late. Perhaps you are tired of listening to me wax perpetually about this man's talent and ability to claim a room but it is my blog and my party, so....

I'm not sure how he stakes his claim. I don't want to know. I just want to be there when he happens because to see CR Avery ply his trade is to go to a happening in the good old fashioned sense of the word. Everything is somehow tolerable and worth it by the end of the show and with the kind of psychic weight lifting we've been doing lately, that is no small blessing.

CR's show can be something on league with a spiritual revival meeting one minute and a monster truck show the next- neither of which is going to appeal to every one - but let's just say for those of you who like your spoken word shaken and quakin' not stirred and blurred, you should not miss CR Avery at the Green Frog Accoustic Tavern, this Tuesday night, June 15th, 9:30pm...and if that is not doable then know that it is rumored he will be gracing the main stage of the Subdued Stringband Jamboree in August. If you miss that too you'd miss Mt. Baker on a clear day...you are a clown.

Sometimes CR performs alone...sometimes he has his band "The Boomchasers" with him and sometimes he has the magnificent Noah Walker in tow as in this video clip I shot winter of 2008.

Though this is a better example:

See you there.

A Gulf for a Gulf.

2010-06-06T11:49:00.000-07:00

It probably seems an understatement to say the obvious but an ocean for a coastal people is so much more than a body of water. It can represent possibilities, adventure and abundance. I go to the sea once every year to meet up with my family for a few days and we all stand at the edge of this massive body of water in understanding that we are only a part of the greater aspect of all these things - our relatives who have passed and the new children born into the brood. If we met inland we would likely kill each other over our differences but here there is reverence for the bigger picture that permeates within the pulse of the sea. The ocean supports and feeds this love my family and I want to have for each other in spite of ourselves.

I watch the drama unfold with the oil spill in the Gulf and I think about what it would feel like should such a thing happen on the shores of my own family ritual landscape. My blood runs cold and I find it hard to breathe imagining of how such a threat would affect me. I know the only reason it doesn't happen here is because of the vigilance of environmentalist in the Pacific Northwest. In the Gulf it is business as usual with the innocents suffering for the few. The artists and those who eke out a meager living from the sea and the wildlife bear the brunt of this disaster.

The mantra for my generation was to Question Authority and staying that course is a lot of the reason these wild places in the Pacific Northwest remain protected from corporate greed. I don't think, however, that this is a strong enough incantation for the young of today. I wonder if Follow the Money isn't a more appropriate battle cry for young champions for a healthy and free lifestyle in the world today. It scares me to say this but for the sake of the greater good, I hope they render this oil money completely worthless and take back the vibrant life, liberty and happiness that is rightfully theirs.

A Gulf for a Gulf.
A sea of oily, salty tears for a sea of oily, blood and sand.
Enough is enough.

Entitlement - Love You Some What Loves You

2010-05-11T11:07:00.000-07:00

There has been much gnashing of teeth of late, it seems to me, on the issue of entitlement. I'm picking this up from musicians. People who are sensitive types - aware types. They receive the world this way. It is what they do. I have been wondering why we are not recognizing their situation and valuing their circumstances? If I can generalize here for a moment, I suspect that our ignorance in conjunction with world events may be subjugating artists we love to an abundance of unhappiness.

This subject surfaced last week when Dayna Kurtz, in an attempt to garner support and funding for an upcoming artistic goal, invited people to participate. This was seen by a fan as soliciting and unbecoming of an artist of Dayna's standing. Dayna composed a strong and articulate response to this fan and shared it with all utilizing social networking [Facebook]. It made me wonder a bit about how it is that we have come to expect so much from our artists.

I also see another factor preying on artists. Mass disasters, war and human suffering. An artist that is trying to piece together a living does not get to choose in the same manner that fans and listeners who hold labors do. An artist, being sensitive to these extremely painful worldly concerns, has to still try and garner support and comes up against the one thing that they intend to translate or record or somehow interpret. The money that would fund their enterprise wants to fly to the disaster of the week. Now there is a moral conflict.

I then read in a blog post of Krista Detor who in a moment of reflection, seemed to questioned whether she should allow herself something that you and I would never even think twice about giving ourselves. Is it bougeois to have a place to sit in her back yard where she could enjoy friends, sit with a cup of coffee or have space to write a song out in the bright out-of-doors? I read this, frowned and I thought to myself that this is just not right.

Later I was reading David Byrne's on-line Journal and I stumbled upon this March 25th entry:

"...Some see any presumed cleverness or market savvy on behalf of an artist or performer as distasteful. They feel that serious work should be driven primarily by passion or some kind of authenticity and purity, and that financial considerations — figuring out how to monetize one’s work and activity, as it is phrased in dot-com terms — is tacky, and goes against the rules. What rules? Where are these rules written down? Shouldn’t artists be cheered for making money if they can, if they don’t dilute their work?

The “rules” as I intuit them say that cultural production takes place on some moral and ethical high ground where money is not a consideration. According to these rules, for an artist or musician to take financial factors into consideration is to automatically lower and demean work that is supposed to stem from and engage our higher impulses. The work, once money enters the picture, is now assumed to be “work for hire,” to use the legal term. This is why fine artists often look down their noses on craftspeople, illustrators and graphic designers. During the Renaissance, they worked hard to separate themselves from the laborers of the trade guilds, and worked hard to gain acceptance for the idea that they were more than mere craftspeople — so to risk slipping back into that ignoble territory is completely unacceptable…

...According to the old fine art rules, it’s nobler to be poor — which is a cliché for sure, but one that is still held on to dearly. The assumption is that being paid well allies one with the bourgeois one is supposed to be busy offending and shocking. As if anything is shocking today...

There is something about fans maintaining this perception of exception that has to be recognized as destructive to an artist's creative process. I think there is an investment for fans to believe that art is divinely actualized and we should consider leaving off the faux religious aspect and embrace the reality of the situation. The internet - what I like to refer to as The Great Equalizer - has brought all of us an opportunity to democratically participate in supporting and interacting with our favorite artists like never before. We need to evolve as fans. At the very least, we need to encourage our artists towards abundance. Everyone benefits. Pay for the art you enjoy. Be a part of the solution and healing a world of hurt.

Jacki ~ 1929 - 2010

2010-05-06T00:19:00.000-07:00

On May 1st...on the very cusp of the season of flowers that she so loved, Jackie, my foster mother and surrogate mother to too many teens to mention died. I recall in the 70's trying to tell her one time at a county fair - with two toddlers in tow of my own - how much her rescue meant to me. As I recall, I wasn't as articulate as I wanted to be, weighted as I was in the awareness that I did little but lie, cheat, steal things and bring grief to her and her family in my tenure as her charge. She took more of it than anyone else could or would and I'll never forget that about her; her strength. My own children, born to me when I was still a child myself, survived at times simply on what I could remember to do by Jackie's example as I witnessed her nurturing her youngest, Jon. I like to think she warmed to me a bit that day at the fair. Possibly not but that does nothing to dilute how I feel about her attempts at helping me and my respect for the largess of her heart.

These are the things that I remember about Jackie. I recall that she loved the song "Scarlett Ribbons" and loathed the word "precious"; she called her hair "horse feathers" and laughed like a sailor...I remember her leaning into the radio in the car while the Mamas and the Papas crooned "California Dreamin'" instructing me to "Listen to that! Listen to that! Do you hear that? That is a BAD, BAD recording! They flattened the sound!" At which point she would stare out into a space somewhere beyond the wind shield listening; her head swaying in disappointment over the travesty of poor production values. Maybe hearing it like it was supposed to be heard. I yearned to be able to hear the music the way she heard it; understanding all the nuances of harmonics and tone.

And then there is the stuff of local legend: that all of her children were intellectually and musically gifted, hip and talented...she was (one of, or perhaps) the first woman to become a Barbershop quartet leader with the Barbershop Harmony Society by letting the male dominant organization assume "Jacki" was a man's name so she didn't have to be relegated to the Sweet Adeline's, which she was NOT interested in at the time, thank you very much. And, of course, one can ever forget all of that spaghetti she fed us, if you lived to be one hundred, you could never forget that much spaghetti...

I went to see Krista Detor tonight and when I was listening to the videos on her website prior to seeing her, I found the following. It so galvanized those years as I remember Jackie and the events of that time that I feel compelled to share it. They were the best of times and they were the worst of times because there was to much life to be seized; so much lift in our hearts.

Thank you, Jackie, for the rescue, of course...and making it a musical.

Rock and Roll will Save Your Life [you pathetic jewel of a human being]

2010-04-23T11:32:00.000-07:00

To be a fan of music and not be a musician is to be a person of questionable stability. This is what I have understood about myself for 40 + years as I went about my business leaning into my speakers in slack-jawed amazement as "a listener". A listener. Every time I write it or post this I think to myself, "That kind of sounds suggestive and hopelessly lame as in: I like to watch". Thanks to Steve Almond and his accurate definition of drooling fanatic I realize that I am so much more than a listener. I crawl from the muck of the river Denial to face the music and realize that I'm closeted. In reality and in the eyes of oh so many who are too kind to mention it, I'm a nut job.

I do not usually buy books as I work in a library as a minimum wage slave but it was the perfect storm. I ordered the book, "Rock and Roll will save your life" by Steve Almond when it was suggested by Dayna Kurtz on Facebook. It all happened so fast...

I can't say enough about how much I enjoyed reading "Rock and Roll will Save Your Life". Even if you are not into openly admitting you are a popular culture whore, you will relate to the engaging way Almond tells his stories. He has a strong command of the language and it provides him with a larger palette than many who I have read who approached sharing these types of experiences. It is just the broad stroke of his storytelling that give this personal discourse their snap and will knock you into laughing in spite of yourself.

Through the mishaps and the discoveries you get to follow along as Steve tears his life up and puts it all together again as he wants it. There is just too much packed into this tiny book to even begin to describe it's delights to a music lover. I have to say what I personally liked a LOT - even more than the the hysterically funny bits - was the way Almond tied up his story. I can't really call it an ending because it isn't and he subtly seems to incorporate this. It was a dignified and pleasant surprise twist and I will not spoil it for you but I will tell you this: I feel better about myself and my penchant for being spasmodically devoted to people who are creative and dedicated to sharing their talents....and I do so because of the charming way this book dandled my perceived weakness and returned it to me as a strength.

Rock on you crazy Almond and thanks for the melodies.

You Can Leave the Light On

2010-03-31T08:20:00.000-07:00

I don't draw much anymore so when the opportunity presented itself to contribute art to a local arts organization, Allied Arts here in Bellingham, I was a little apprehensive. I decided I would try. The task was to decorate donated lampshades to be auctioned off as a fundraiser for the arts in education programs the organization supports in the community. I had some paper that was given to me a few years back and I thought I would draw on that to make a design for the light to enhance when turned on. I'm pretty much a one-trick pony when it comes to visual art. I draw abstract pen drawings on just about anything. This time, a lampshade.

I've never taken my interest in drawing with pen and ink any further than doodling. Consequently I'm not trained as an artist so this is a risky situation when I take on making something someone else is going to put in their home. It crosses my mind, "Will this burn someone's house down, strapping me to them artistically and karmically like Ahab shackled to Moby Dick?" (but perhaps I read too much John Irving)...I have no idea what will work and what is archive quality, let alone what's flammable! In spite of this I decided to try it, using my artistically inclined friends to help when I'd get stuck. Aye, there's the rub....no training...

No doubt, when you attend any school that is going to have you manually wrestling with any medium, one of the first things they are going to tell you is, "tie your hair back". It never occurred to me that I should consider my unruly mane before I undertook an art project. Consequently my lampshade has embedded in a seam for all time a genetic thread to the artist, a long streaming hair from my ponytail. I considered withdrawing my donation when I discovered this after I lacquered the entire shade (of course it would be at the very end that I find it). I then found the original pleated voile covering that I removed to decorate the shade and it occurred to me that maybe if I covered the shade with a negligee it would disguise the blemish. It occurred to me that there is some other word for a garment that is thrown over a negligee but I could not recall it. My muse using Google eventually came to my rescue with the word I sought: a "peignoir"... which is a garment worn by a woman to brush out her hair to keep the all the hair from sneaking about into unwanted places while she's grooming. No kidding... So I took the cover and designed a little removable peignoir for the shade, which covers up the special present in the seam, should that be disconcerting to the lampshade owner.

I imagine partnered people putting the peignoir on the lamp as a discreet sign to let each other know when one or the other might be inclined to " change the oil in the Buick" or something....I've heard that couples sometimes create special messages for each other....As for myself, I prefer the universal means of non-verbal communicating to the world. I turn my porch light off when I don't want to be tricked or treated.

So here is my imperfect offering. I took a lot of pictures because, frankly, I was kind of surprised that I could draw at all and I suspect that this ability will be lost to me in the somewhat near future...plus I'm happy the way it turned out. I hope that someone else likes it and Allied Arts makes some money by selling it.

"You Can Leave the Light On;
Enlightenment with Peignoir"

Peignoir: A long outer garment for women frequently sheer and made of chiffon or other translucent fabrics. The word comes from the french peignoir, to comb the hair describing a garment worn while brushing one's hair, originally referring to a dressing gown or bathrobe.

I can't wait until the first Friday Art Walk this weekend when I get to see all the artists ideas in a room together. It is always pretty amazing where creative people will run to with an idea when given the opportunity. Hope to see you there.

Love is a stranger, indeed.

2010-02-26T08:42:00.000-08:00

I was on the hamster wheel this morning, praying...you know minding a mile of my own business... when this chestnut rose from my music collection creating a worm hole in my ear.

...It's savage and it's cruel
And it shines like destruction
Comes in like the flood
And it seems like religion
It's noble and it's brutal
It distorts and deranges
And it wrenches you up
And you're left like a zombie...

I began imagining she was singing about the internet or any technology. Then I thought, if you live long enough and don't fight with nature, gravity allows things to fall into place; if you live long enough, you realize that all the really important truths about living and loving will, most certainly, return, return, return...like every day and every season.

Before there was any GAGA, there was Annie. 1982. Turn this MUTHA UP and enjoy!

Oh yeah...I keep good company on the wheel.

Thank you chtichat for posting this. Check out the channel - there is a beautiful assortment Eurythmics vids there.

Perspective

2010-02-12T20:44:00.000-08:00

I think sometimes that it is too easy to overlook the tremendous impact youth and creativity can have on the world at large. Creativity, most of us agree, does not keep easy company . It lives on the edges of things outside of the comfort zones. It stands to reason then that our most creative and our strongest proponents of peace and freethinking should be found not in the center of popularity but in the peripheries of our vision. They are the ones sliding, rolling, dancing, being noisy and jumping; flowing with the energy of their lives in the purest sense. They are not fighting with themselves and trying to funnel their energy into a prescribed future or perceived time. I picked up this video off of a student's post in Facebook and I was awestruck with what the video captured seemingly so easily; what it felt like to be on the edge of everything all at once.

An athlete; a dancer and medicine man, young Mr. Anders Carlson-Wee already knows what it takes to be and stay free. When I see something like this I'm reminded that there are people out there like Anders I am inspired and moved beyond words. Well, words enough to post this but slack jawed and in admiration and support.

I can look at this video and reflect on the pulse of singular purpose from my own youth and the deep importance of play. It is like passing through the eye of a needle to watch this and hear Pearl Jam . I feel like everything is going to be all right. If we have enough people like Anders Carlson-Wee finding the courage to channel the best of themselves in whatever form it manifests in their lives, I know we are all going to be okay. Creativity will persevere.

In my day we used to call it staying hungry but few of us ever really missed a meal.

The complete article and the full interview can be found at SHOCK.

There's No More Stories 'bout Bridges

2010-02-11T09:33:00.000-08:00

Tonight is my Friday night so when I got a message from Danny Schmidt that Radio Station KALX in Berkely CA was streaming a retrospective of Danny's work at midnight tonight, I was ON it. Don't get me wrong. I like sleep. I'm a big fan of it but I can't think of any dream more eloquent and beautiful than a sit down with a glass of wine and a ponder with Danny Schmidt's muse. I encourage you fans and insomniacs alike to join us at midnight PST and give this show a listen.

Sometimes you have to stay up late and peer into the darkness to get the satisfaction of the big think. Below is a video I captured of Danny Schmidt singing "Grandpa Built Bridges" that he performed at the Green Frog Acoustic Tavern in Bellingham, WA. Danny is sharing here a bit of his inspiration for the song and I apologize for the lack of sound and video quality.

I encourage you to listen to the proper recordings of his work to be found here . Some singers you listen to and they bring you a melody and some singers you listen to and they bring you news from a sacred place. Danny brings both. Give his work a listen, if not tonight then sign on to his email list so you will not miss him when he travels through your town. He travels a lot. He's the real deal.

"...Grampa built bridges with crestview spires
With braids of wires and wings of steel
Til he walked on over with his heels on fire
And the bridge burned back with a captive haze..."

Thank you John Grubb of Rockslide Photography for the picture of Danny.

Going for the Bold

2010-02-01T10:00:00.000-08:00

Until we develop a taste for truth and a true hunger for the freedom it guarantees, art will suffer for pandering to the masses and forcing artists to scream and scream again in a mighty objection.

If I wasn't laughing I'd be crying in horror for the creative talent that is lost in all of the confusion. What does it take to kill mediocrity? One can dream...

CR Avery is no stranger to telling his truth. He's the one I always look forward to hearing from - not because he's going to be a big star but because he tells his truth in such amazingly creative ways. Truth was never for the faint of heart but then, neither is freedom, is it? I encourage you to listen to this talented artist's latest offering The Great Canadian Novel and hear him. Put in thy tenner to support him. He's got something to say worth listening to, refreshingly, and I'd like to continue to enjoy what he does.

Thank you to the Purple Thistle Centre for making this video.

Those darn Canucks! ;-) May you take to the necessary therapy to recover from your Olympics.

Independent Music 101

2010-01-23T10:28:00.000-08:00

Marian Call is a talented musician who, after years of studying music, found the music industry lacking. She's one of the first of many musicians raised in a world of technology and entitlement who do not easily buy into existing business models of earning a living. She's wise for her years in that she suspects (I think rightly) that being sponsored and supported by an industry comes at a cost. She is also savvy enough to cultivate her own fanbase through the internet. A tremendous amount of focus and work goes into this on her behalf. Her fans are financing her next album.

There are many singer/songwriters who do this already and many, it seems, where initially forced into learning how to do it for the sake of survival. I find Marian unique (but my no means alone) in that her embracing technology grew alongside her cultivation of her talents. In this short video Marian talks about that process and how it fits her values.

I found as I listened that we have much to learn from those who come after us wanting the same things that we want: freedom, independence and choice. They deserve our interest and support. I'm not so sure that they are not born to bring us greater understanding in how to live large in freedom and prosperity. I think they may be hard-wired for nothing less and I think we should pay attention to what they are doing and saying.

Thanks to "Alaska Dispatch" for posting this video.

Life is but a dream, indeed...

2010-01-20T07:16:00.000-08:00

Any minute of any day I might have 100 catchy melodies floating around in my head but put my Granddaughter, Madeline, in my arms and the best I can do is, "Row, Row Row your Boat"?

It is true. Love renders us temporarily and sweetly insane.

Thank you Meredith for sneaking up on us with your camera for this little moment.

For the Man who has Everything: Throwning Grandma Out With the Bathwater

2010-01-18T13:21:00.000-08:00

It seems like too much of my life is spent trying to identify the good guys from the bad guys lately. I wonder how it is that this line became so blurred...but it has. My current conundrum involves the debate about Social Security. I have always heard that the program was in trouble and there would not be enough money to help my children and grandchildren. Everyone has heard this so much that it has become fact even though it is a myth. Now I understand upon further investigation that there is an strong element of grandstanding and posturing for private agendas involved in cultivating that rumor. What to do?

There is currently a bill: Senate Bill 2853 that appeals strongly to everyone's sense of responsible fiscal action in government. It proposes a shortcut to expediting policies. Behind this bill is a fellow with a LOT of money by the name of Peter G. Peterson who has decided, I understand, that his legacy to the American Public will be to dismantle what he deems as a worthless program: Social Security. (He has his eye on Medicare and Medicaid as well but that is an addendum to this issue). You might recall in 2004 when then President Bush was rallying to reform Social Security by investing all that secure money into the stock market, Mr. Peterson was all for that idea...

( ....I will stop here for a minute to allow your imagination to work with your hindsight a moment. Imagine the current scenario that would have been the result of that action, should it have been enacted by the American people....).

It was the democratic process of open debate that saved all those elders from having to loose everything (often little anyway) when everything tumbled in winter of 2008. You think it is a crime to see dead bodies piled up roadside in Haiti due to a poor infrastructure and political philandering and think that disasters such as this could never happen here? Put America's financing on a "fast-track" so we can "get 'er done" and you will see things worse than New Orleans post Katrina. You will see your own Grandma and Grandpa denied care and funding that they paid into by working all of their lives. What's more you will have the opportunity to help them directly perhaps with the funding that was earmarked for your child's eduction.

Yes there are things to be done to improve Social Security and you can read about those things in simple language here at Ronni Bennett's Blog, Time Goes By. The Senate Bill 2853 that reads at the the onset to be so practical is really a way to circumvent the system to act swiftly on making financial cuts that could eviscerate the stable existing lifestyles of millions. We are talking cuts made by politicians with minimal debate done behind closed doors.

(...again let me pause a moment while the imagination has a chance to confer with hindsight regarding unchecked politicians, policy makers and lobbyists...)

Venture capitalists are very wily people. That is how they became so wealthy. When you get powerful and affluent people wanting to make a name for themselves like Mr. Peterson things can become very scary very quickly. Certainly that is the case here. Money talks in American politics and too often all it REALLY wants to talk about is itself. Be careful of this bill working it's way into our lives.
There is a recourse strategy. Tomorrow, 19 January, is Call-In-Day. The National Committee to Preserve Social Security and Medicare, who are, understandably, all over this bill, are joining with other elder advocacy groups to inundate the Senate with telephone calls against this bill. There is more about this in T ime Goes By with links and explanations. To cut to the chase, the number to call is 800-998-0180 and the details of the bill can be found here . I encourage you to join me in making sure that reform does not spell deconstruction of programs that are, fundamentally honorable and sound and are simply in need of some compassionate attention.