Working Together

"We shape our self
to fit this world

and by the world
are shaped again..."

Excerpt from "Working Together" © David Whyte
in The House of Belonging

Many Rivers Press

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

A Good Day to Die

Two of my friends have lost loved ones on the same day this week. On top of that a terrorist threat at my workplace was found not 200 feet from my desk on Saturday…a massacre to surpass Vermont Tech, the note touts – this Thursday…watch out. Death come a knockin’ in spades this week.

Oddly enough when faced with the possibility of my demise this Thursday, I immediately began to put my affairs in order in my mind. Not the least of importance on that list was having a final blog entry that didn’t suck, I’m sorry to say. Obviously, I don’t take terrorist threats seriously and I’ve placed a little psychological cushion around my true feelings on this matter of being terrorized. People all over the world are terrorized everyday. They have bombs going off all around them on their way to work or to market. I wonder what kinds of things they tell themselves to get through it?

The other matter that I took into consideration was having a pleasant last few days. It’s too late to design some sort of fiery, dramatic fate for myself like dowsing myself with gasoline and setting myself afire on the Arctic tundra as a statement to save the free range of the caribou. No, I will carry on as planned and add more drawing and chocolate to my schedule. I’ll update my blog to put something between my death and the last poorly written entry. I will call my kids before Thursday…see how their doing…..I want them to say, “God! I’m glad I talked to her before this happened!” As an aside, I want to apologize to my sons for keeping journals for 27 years. A horrible legacy to dump on those you love...

It’s not the dying that worries me though, frankly. It’s the maiming and the trying to live with the loss that really terrifies me…. The loss: adjusting to the loss of innocence; the loss of willingness to love; the loss of willingness to care at all would be the hardest thing. Not to mention the horror of surviving with the loss of my sight or the use of my appendages or having to try and forget watching my co-workers dismembered head spinning in front of me as I cower under my desk. If there’s a Grace in Spirit, I would be killed outright because I can barely endure a loss of my appearance let alone those kinds of huge challenges.

There’s dying going on all over the place daily – expected – unexpected. Death teaches us how to live. What I’m not clear about is what suffering and fear are supposed to be teaching us. Maybe if we could collectively understand that lesson, we could put an end to it in the world.


Jim said...

I look forward to reading each entry on your blog. Reading - not skimming. A rarity for me.

This entry did not disappoint. Not because you tried to make it non-disappointing but because it's you reflecting in a pool of life. I like the shimmers and fuzzy edges.

"Death teaches us how to live." I will be wandering around digesting that today.

Oh, and in one of the future circles of life, may we remember something this circle keeps hidden ... we've already been a part of eternity ... previous to our present birth...

Anonymous said...

Might be a good day to go fishing?


Rez Dog said...

You can die now. You have more than one post that doesn't suck. You understand that death is a part of everyday life. You can live with that. After all, most of the world does.

Well done, Cile.