I have been working on the annual newsletter and not in a blogging frame of mind with all of my energies put into that publishing enterprise. A friend inquired, after receiving the newsletter - as I made mention of my word of the year revelation - if I might elaborate on that experience and I thought I would wander back into the blogosphere with musings about that.
It has only been seven months. I'm reluctant to be too hasty in trying to summarize too early what I suspect is going on. It's that kind of word. It has been a bit like watching Mohammed Ali doing the dance of the seven veils. An odd visual, I know. Well, that's how I feel. The fighter being my status quo and the dance being more revealing than I would desire of my status quoness. All and all a painful thing to observe. No doubt this danse macabre, would render John the Baptiste to behead himself just to make the bad bits stop.
This quote of Gabriel Garcia Marques from Memories of My Melancholy Whores, describes much of what I'm feeling regarding my little revelations:
"...I confronted myself as my ninetieth year went by. I discovered that my obsession for having each thing in the right place, each subject in the right time, each word in the right style, was not the well-deserved reward of an ordered mind but just the opposite: a complete system of pretense invented by me to hide the disorder of my nature. I discovered that I am not disciplined out of virtue but as a reaction to my negligence, that I appear generous in order to conceal my meanness, that I pass myself off a prudent because I am evil-minded, that I am conciliatory in order not to succumb to my repressed rage, that I am punctual only to hide how little I care about other people's time. I learned, in short, that love is not a condition of the spirit but a sign of the zodiac."It was somehow easier to take this information from the ponderous meditations of a 90 year old character lusting over a little girl but it pretty much sums up the sort of revelations I've been having. They are everywhere I go when I'm awake and pursue me in my dreams. It seems like every book I pick up to read, every movie I spontaneously pull from the bins that "looks interesting" harbors some thinly veiled directive from the collective unconscious regarding this revelation process I'm involved in. The whole universe seems to be getting a big kick out of my revelatory dance rushing as it is to tug at the chinks in my armor with wedges of information. If I hadn't been through this kind of thing before in my life I'd be wigging out, surely. As it is, I know that eventually, after much bumping and grinding away at my ramparts, I will be spit out the other side or die and be the better for it all.
But, regarding your inquiry Joe, I cannot say, today, if I've learned or will learn a damn thing. I guess time will tell.