I don't think, since I started it, I have ever neglected this blog for quite as long as I have this fall. I feel an explanation is in order if for no other reason than to bring myself up to date. Today is Thanksgiving and I have been posting daily to Facebook with things that I am grateful for for the past 17 days. This idea, arriving on the wings of my daughter-in-law Meredith, allowed me to get comfortable once again with the virtual part of my life.
Two things happened in September that rocked me. I lost my longtime feline companion, Saturday. This really shook me to my center. It must have cracked the force field that holds the agreements with my world around me too because my computer completely failed at the power source a few days afterward. I was set adrift solo in my grief and forced to rely on old skill sets for comfort.
There was no taking a bag of money to a tech for a fix on the computer because of my choice to downsize my income to spare my health and happiness. There was much gnashing of teeth and having to rely on "the kindness of strangers" - something I have happily distanced myself from over my years of gainful employment. It turned out that I have lost some "street smarts" over the course of my time as a civil servant. I recalled them only after I had lost two weeks of grocery money and an entire decade of email information...including all my files with sensitive information to people who by all appearances would be at ease in the sale of their Grandmother. To say that I was a Rube and completely out of my element in this situation would be an understatement. I ended up with a CPU that does little but get the internet and work as a word processor. Frankly, just looking at the computer brought me to tears for a long time, such was the upset the whole series of events created in me.
Likewise, I was ill prepared for what my life would be like daily without Saturday. I thought I was ready as I had to put him down because of cancer but I was not even close to being prepared for the actual shock of it. I don't care if your best friend is a box turtle, if you interact with something everyday for 13 years, it takes everything out of one to loose so much. Anyway, there was something in the combination of these two events that set my heart to ice. The arrival of my granddaughter Madeline Kaiya Mayer-Cook on November 15th and my daily accounting on-line functioned as if climbing, rung by rung, from a great depth and it brings me to the threshold of this day.
It was not a fun couple of months. I worked my feelings out and found comfort in creating something in real time that could be shared with real people: A simple sewing project primarily using materials I had at hand. In short, I sewed my way back into the fabric of my everyday life and reached out just enough everyday through Facebook to remember to care. The stitching and this small daily interchange with my on-line friends and family facilitated the healing in me and for this I am very grateful to everyone involved. I'm fairly certain I will not ever be a regular poster on this blog but you can also be assured I wont be Facebooking everyday like I have been! I haven't the discipline for such an enterprise. I did realize that I missed my blog as I tried to list my blessings everyday and I'm leaving that light on again for myself should I feel I have something to say.
Thank you everyone who didn't "hide" me in Facebook...I think I would have hid me, had I the option! There is something pontifical and unsuitable to my overall temperament in that assignment and I sympathize with anyone becoming frustrated with it. I like spouting off occasionally and I meant every word. Even though it seemed a bit much, I needed to do it and I'm better for having done it. I only hope it made sense.
So it is in this spirit of gratitude that I hope this long winded post finds you happily in the fray of a very joyful and abundant Thanksgiving Day 2009. Long may we love!